Can't Get No Satisfaction

“But all this gives me no satisfaction as long as I see…” Esther 5:13.

Haman was the top official to King Xerxes during the time of Queen Esther.  In an effort to save her people, Esther invited Haman and the King to her banquet.  For certain, she was devising a plan to dispose of Haman since he was the one who made the edict for the Jews’ elimination.  After lots of dining and drinking, it is written that he ‘went out that day happy and in high spirits.’ 

I can just see the bounce in his step and his nose in the air thinking about all the ways he has been honored and favored by the king…such prestige…such status…such power!  As he was rehearsing all his glory in his mind, his ego crashed and burned when he saw Mordecai, the man who would not bow.  He immediately became enraged, stuffed his anger, went home and threw his own party…more boasting…more glory seeking…more drinking.  His wife and friends had to sit there and listen to him go on and on about his greatness.  Then the mood turned and the same old subject clouded over the room, probably for the millionth time…the subject of Mordecai and how he had done his family wrong!  Same song…different verse…with a drunk conductor.
 

We have all experienced it.  We are having a great day rehearsing in our minds how thankful we are for everything our King has given us.  It only takes the mention of someone’s name or a reminder that triggers an experience and off we go.  We open that mental file and begin listing the things that he or she has done, didn’t do, what they have or what they took.  Our peaceful day turns to anger and the resentment in our heart rises above our gratitude.  We allow the mere mention of another to cast darkness in our heart.  The truth of the matter is we have become addicted to that person and live in mental bondage.  ‘Haman was addicted to Mordecai… Haman’s hatred of Mordecai became a mental preoccupation and so caused the most outrageous irony of all:  Haman bowed down to Mordecai…we serve whatever masters us and nothing masters us more completely than the person we feel has wronged us…A person becomes a snare to us any time he or she consumes an excessive and unhealthy space in our thoughts.’ Beth Moore, Esther.
 

Recently, for me it has been my ex-son-in-law who continues to verbally and emotionally attack my daughter.  The mere mention of his name creates anxiety and anger in my heart which has to be denied and surrendered to God.  It is only through dying to self (my anger, my fear and my resentment) and seeing him through God’s eyes that I am able to pray for his heart.  Every time I think of him in a negative way, I capture that thought and ask God to give me a heart of compassion.  It is a lot of draining spiritual work, but with each captured thought it becomes easier and easier.  Every time I give the negative thought to God, He sorts my emotions out and releases me from those feelings.  I am forever grateful that God provides a way out from under the heaviness of my feelings.  He will be obedient to His promises if we are obedient to His commands. 
 

‘For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretention that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ’ 2 Co 10:3-5.