Securing Our Chair

“We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.  Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death.  But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.” 2 Co 1:8-9

When I was a little girl there was a game that would be played at birthday parties and sometimes in gym called Musical Chairs.  It wasn’t my favorite game because there was no guarantee of a chair to sit in.  The vulnerability of being left standing while others were comfortably sitting seemed anything but fun.  In addition to that vulnerability I can’t tell you the times when I thought I had secured my seat only to be shoved out of it.  Sometimes life provides that same endless circle of trying to grab a seat of normalcy.  We look for a seat to sit in but the chairs are all full.  Everyone else’s life seems to be predictably comfortable and there we are standing with overwhelming circumstances, vulnerable and feeling all alone. 

Over the past couple of days, it has become painstakingly obvious that people have been given way too much to handle.  I have received so many messages from precious friends who are barely keeping their heads above water.  I found myself crying in the shower yesterday overwhelmed with horrible circumstances that great people are having to face.  Sometimes it seems that life can be stingy with the chairs and circumstances shove us out of the comfort of the chair we think we’ve secured.  People love to say that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle but that is not Biblical.  In reality, the Bible is filled with examples and heartbreaks of people who received much more than a heart should.  Just ask Jesus as He begged for a different ending until his sweat dripped as blood.  Just ask Mary as she watched the horrific torture of her son.  Just ask Peter as he was murdered upside down on a cross for sharing the message of Christ.  All of this was more than they could handle but the one thing they had is the same thing we have…a sovereign God who is working out every detail of every hardship we face...a loving Father who knows exactly how to comfort His children...a mighty Commander who goes before us fighting our battles.

For the mother whose child is a prodigal…you are not alone.  For the person who must sit in the chemo chair…God is sitting in the chair beside you.  For the grieving heart who must face Christmas without their loved one…God will personally carry you through this season.  For you…and for me…God will be our strength when we are depleted of our strength.  There is not one detail of our suffering that God doesn’t know about and even if we can’t trace His hand, we can trust His heart.  He is our empty chair waiting for us to settle into His rest.

Life in the Desert

“For I neither received it from man, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation of Jesus Christ. For you have heard of my former manner of life…how I used to persecute the church of God beyond measure and tried to destroy it; But when God…was pleased to reveal His Son in me...I went away to Arabia” Gal 1:12-16

This morning as I was reading about Paul, I couldn’t help but to notice the Bible’s silence on his time spent in the wilderness of Arabia immediately after he was baptized. He made a point to call out his former life and how he tried to destroy the message instead of spreading it. I love how Paul granted God all the glory for his conversion when he wrote that God was pleased to reveal Christ to him. And then he stated that he left for Arabia. While we know that he grew in understanding of Scripture during time in Arabia, we read nothing that gives a voice to his emotional experience.

For some reason his last sentence haunts me this morning. He lived in a manner contradictory to God’s will by tearing down the message of Christ. He went ‘beyond measure’ to torture and persecute God’s people. So, my heart is heavy for the silence of Paul’s wilderness experience because I know how heavy my heart was when God revealed Himself more deeply to me in 2006. I knew that He forgave me for my former way of life and was pleased to develop me in Christ. But it still was hard with the new understanding of the message as it rubbed up against past decisions I had made.

When we measure our past actions against our present callings there is a great spirit of remorse with which we must wrestle. I imagine that many tears fell from Paul’s eyes over the things that he did prior to Christ indwelling in him. I can hear the echo of his pleas for God to extend forgiveness to him, giving the opportunity to share his new Christ centered life. There was a before and after line drawn in the wilderness sand for him and he would never again be recognized as his former self.

We all enter the wilderness where God Himself opens up our understanding to who we are to be in Christ. It can be heartbreaking work but essential to have that spiritual marker of before and after. We should each be growing in faith, and not doing the same compromising things we used to such as lying, judging, and condemning others. We cannot despise the desert for the desert is where we gain the true message directly from God, not from man. Our deserts seem to always last much too long, but God works His best miracles in the heat. ‘Sometimes God takes His time grooming the very difficult ministry of apostleship. It’s a selfless ministry strewn with hardship, persecution, and loneliness – always having to rely on God for leading and guidance. The desert is a pretty wanton place and no better place to learn survival and develop an intimate relationship with Jesus.’ John Christopher 

Pike, www.readingacts.com. 

God is pleased to reveal everything to each of us, but will we take the time and effort to receive it? 

Ghosts of Christmas Past

I have always loved the story A Christmas Carol brilliantly written by Charles Dickens. It is the story of a man who was visited by the ghost of Christmas past, present and future. I sit here this morning continuing to ponder life in past Decembers. Just as Scrooge in the story was time traveled to a few decades before, my mind also travels back a few decades ago. Shopping for Christmas was a paralleled set of train tracks…one where I was a confident mommy choosing gifts to be opened by my two young children…but the other set of tracks being a terrified mommy that my daughter would not survive drugs to enjoy the gift’s I had bought for her. There is nothing joyful about choosing presents for someone who is lost to their life and has chosen to be absent from their family. No gift made sense since nothing she was doing made sense. The smallest things represented the most fearful things. When a string of lights burned out, I fell apart as it represented my fear that she wouldn’t survive the drugs. When my other two little children would shake their gifts in joy and anticipation, little did they know my foundation was being shaken apart. But finally, out of sheer survival of despair I gave myself the greatest gift I ever could…the gift of surrender to the only One who could redeem her life.

I read something this morning in Lysa TerKeurst’s book, ‘It’s Not Supposed to be This Way’ that really hit home during my visit from the ghost of Christmas past. She writes, ‘Sometimes, you just have to let people you love have their journey on one side of the street and have your journey on the other side of the street…We make brief visits to normalcy, but there’s a lot of emotional debris to which we must tend.’ p 90. So that is what we did…we had brief visits to normalcy and allowed her to journey on her own side. But with that came God’s promise that not only was He present with us, but He was present with her on the other side of her street. He was doing an amazing work in her heart even though we couldn’t see it. But we trusted Him, and we trusted the process even when we didn’t see any evidence of redemption. But boy did it come, and it came in with a divine vengeance! God didn’t just save her… He saved all of us through her delivery. She is a walking miracle and a talking testimony to the saving power of Jesus no matter what the circumstances are. When we see death, he sees life. When we see our brokenness He sees our wholeness. When we fear darkness, darkness fears Him.

I can tell you what the ghost of Christmas present looks like as we approach this season in 2018. It is not just a picture of Kristen’s years of clean living, but a picture of her meeting other addicts to encourage and sponsor them. It is a reality of her three adoring children and husband huddling around the tree tearing open the Christmas gifts. It is a fulfilled promise from God that tears do dry…hearts do heal…families are reconciled. Whatever your ghost of Christmas present is whispering in your fearful heart, don’t forget there is always a ghost of Christmas future with beautiful days up ahead. Trust God’s process… trust God’s perfect plan... and look for God’s presence everyday.

“Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, ‘Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.’” Isaiah 35:3-4.

Getting Out of the Car

Why is it that the end of the November can sometimes feel like driving up to a cemetery and waiting in the car? Because the car is safe…the car has no tombstone marking the death of something…the car has the isolation from circumstances that are crippling. Looking into December for most years can be joyful, full of excitement and fellowship. But some years December can look like a bully on the playground taunting us…tripping us...pushing us around…controlling us. December can sit at a distance shouting, reminding us that there will be an empty chair at the Christmas table. It controls our emotions through whispers of doom and hopeless futures.

Ten years ago, I had one of those years where I had to be dragged into December. As the calendar turned from the gratitude of Thanksgiving to the dread of December, I found myself not wanting to put up a Christmas tree or decorate at all. My sister Beth had been given less than two weeks or so to live and the thought of those twinkling lights as her light faded felt hypocritical and disrespectful. Bruce came to me and gently encouraged me to put the tree up for the sake of our kids and grandkids. I was convicted with his words and began ‘opening the car door’ to join the others in December. But the most amazing thing began to happen as I unpacked each ornament and the rest of my decorations. I became acutely aware of the blessings God had given me. It’s tough to focus on the lack when we stand before the reminders of so many good things from God. As I hung one ornament up it reminded me of a favorite Christmas shop in Charleston and I was thankful for vacations. As I hung up the stockings, I was humbled by the fact that God entrusted me with Kristen, Michael and Caroline…what a privilege it was to raise them and now walk with them as best friends. I cradled in my hands the little ornament made by my granddaughter whom I had cradled for years. I surrounded myself with Christmas music which made the tears fall with some sadness but also with lots of joy. I was grateful that I had a husband who was so incredibly supportive through this devastating season. But the greatest realization was that whether Beth was in Heaven or on earth she had already won. She was about to break the bow and unwrap the greatest gift ever. And that’s the day that my heart was reminded that JESUS OVERCAME DEATH SO THAT WE COULD TOO!

Whether you are experiencing the death of a relationship or the death of a loved one don’t be afraid of the month of December. I know how hard it can be, but the payoff is great! When we set our minds and hearts on Jesus, the baby who ushered in our eternity and future reunions, death holds no power over our Decembers. So, get out of the car and walk towards December with hope. Light your Christmas candles and inhale the memories. Blast your Christmas music and dance on top of your sadness. Hang those precious ornaments counting your blessings for each one that marks the gifts in your life. Most of all, expect future joy for through Christ all things are possible and one day the old sadness will be gone and the new blessings will be found.

Dressing in Love

“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.” Co 3:12 – The Message.

When our children were little I would always go before them and lay out the clothes I had chosen for them to wear that day. Caroline in particular would need extra help since her goal was always to maneuver her bathing suit into her attire no matter the time of year. Some days the kids would comply and dress themselves appropriately while other days they would go ‘off script’ creating their own unique coverings. As I was thinking about those yesteryear days, I found myself smiling reminiscing about some of the crazy things they wore. They are now all grown and fortunately all have a nice style of their own and wear garments that are suitable for public.

But I began thinking of it in spiritual terms and how God goes before us laying out what He has chosen daily for us to wear. As our passage states, God has given us the wardrobe He desires for us to be clothed in whether in public or private. One of the greatest examples of this wardrobe was when I facilitated Grief Share at our church. One by one family members filed in broken and despaired wearing an incredible spirit of heaviness and hopelessness. As the group continued to return each Sunday night, I sensed the weight of the individuals a little lighter than the week before. Why was this? What was different the subsequent weeks from the first week? It was the spirit of compassion and community which always was ushered in by the Father of compassion. It took courage for those hurting hearts to show up, and it took hope to propel them to attend. Each week I would watch one heavy hearted person slip the garment of love and compassion around the shoulders of another. The next week I watched that same comfort be reciprocated. Anger, bitterness and hopelessness are so much easier to dwell in because it is humanity’s default emotion. But to show up bloodied, bruised and broken takes courage that nothing else can replace. When the brokenness in our eyes is reflected in the brokenness of someone else’s we suddenly see ourselves equalized and energized to comfort another.

Will we see the human behind the hurt? Will we take our heartbreaking experience and do something to help another? Will we show up like the Grief Share participants did with the courage to care and the heart to share wrapping our compassion around another? Lysa TerKeurst writes in It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, ‘The compassionate soul who has hurt deeply and come out loving is one of the superstars of God’s grand story, and the one you want near you in the battles of life. She wears well her scars of suffering and can’t wait to tell you her survival story so you too, can survive…So show up…People need you. People need me. People need to know God’s compassion is alive and well and winning the epic battle of good versus evil’ pp. 83-84.

The Loudest Christmas Ornament Ever

This past Thanksgiving Bruce and I weren’t able to celebrate with any members of our family due to an upper respiratory infection and stomach bug. It was probably the first Thanksgiving without family in a few decades. It gave me compassion for those who for various reasons regularly experience the holiday without their family. I was so sad yesterday that we weren't able to join our kids and grandkids at the beach but knew I had two choices…I could stew and feel sorry for myself or I could take captive my emotions and do something good for my soul. I decided to begin decorating my house for Christmas, unloaded the tree and collected all the decorations from years past. As the day unfolded so did my gratitude for blessings that God has given me the other 364 days of each year. I was overwhelmed thinking about my life since His first holy breath entered my lungs. But then, I opened a drawer to retrieve the last of my decorations and there it was…the most painful Christmas ornament ever…a little porcelain Christmas tree that encased a ball that jingled around when moved. At first glance you would not think anything special of this ornament, but my glance is a little different.

This ornament hung from the IV pole of my sister’s constant companion in the Hospice House a few months before she died. Ten years ago, next month this ornament rattled with every move she made as if it was reminding us that life still existed. As the family members took their turn sleeping on the pull-out sofa in her room, we all came to know the constant jingle this ornament made. One night I had actually fallen asleep only to be awaken by the jingle of the little tree atop the pole. With the back light behind her, I saw her frail silhouette making her way towards the mini-fridge to sneak a gulp of chocolate milk. Then I saw her turn slowly holding onto the pole and gaining her strength she slowly made her way back to the bed all the while the ornament reminding me that she was still among us…she was still a part of our Christmas season…she was still on earth and not yet in Heaven.

But this morning as I sit here in the dark staring at my newly decorated tree and considering the most painful Christmas ornament ever…a quiet ornament that should be jingling...I am reminded of God’s faithfulness. This morning the ornament jingles in my heart in ways it never has before. Its message is Scriptural…it’s holy…it’s eternal...but most of all it's message is for you and for me. It reminds me that everything God did for her ten years ago was to prosper her instead of harming her and now she enjoys the perfection of Heaven. (Jeremiah 29:11) It reminds me that because of Christ she has overcome this world and so will I (John 16:33). It reminds me that we are not to be surprised when trouble and suffering find us because Jesus told us we would experience tough things (1 Peter 4:12) It reminds me that the devastating things we might be experiencing will become old things…former things…past pain replaced with new seasons…joyful seasons…hopeful futures (1 Peter 4:12). It reminds me that Jesus has gone to make a place for me and for you and He will come back and take us to that place (John 14:3). It reminds me that God never left Beth once in her intense suffering and He won't leave us in our despair (De 31:6).

I think I will shake the little ornament daily throughout the Christmas season as if I have found the ultimate Advent item. With each jingle God’s promises speak and with each view of that little porcelain Christmas tree I will be reminded of God’s ultimate will for each of us…to get us all home with Him where sin and suffering aren’t invited to the celebration.

Tug of War

"They stumble because they disobey the message..." 1 Peter 2:8

When I was a little girl one of the games that I wasn’t wild about was Tug of War. The game was a test of strength between two teams, one rope and a center mark. Each team would tug on the rope trying to pull the other team across the center line. I always felt like the weak link in that game because rarely did my team win. There was yanking and pulling…rope burns and stumbling…tightening and releasing. Little did I know that was a foreshadowing of this game called life.

Our lives reveal a constant pull between good and evil on this earth. There are two teams that come to the game, both wanting to defeat the other…the flesh and the Spirit…the created and the Creator…our will and ‘Thou will.’ Sometimes we can feel like the rope being yanked into flesh decisions when our spirit gets weak. We tell little lies...we repeat a little gossip...we harbor a little bitterness...all compromises. Other times we feel strong and confident and seem to have a good grip on our temptations, but only for the moment. To be sure the teams are always there, and one will never concede to the other. But the truth I must tell myself when I’m being yanked and pulled into the direction of the flesh is that the other team has already won. Christ is the center mark and there is no taking back the cross! We will continue to be pulled into the direction of the world, but we have the strength in Christ to overcome the pull. By navigating through life allowing Christ to lead, our weakness will be the very thing that ushers in His strength.

If Christ is the center mark then the Bible is the rope to which we should cling. It gives us a firm grip on right and wrong when we keep it in our hands. No game of Tug of War has ever been won by compromising the hold and no faith will ever be grown when we compromise our beliefs.

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” Philippians 3:12