Getting Out of the Car

Why is it that the end of the November can sometimes feel like driving up to a cemetery and waiting in the car? Because the car is safe…the car has no tombstone marking the death of something…the car has the isolation from circumstances that are crippling. Looking into December for most years can be joyful, full of excitement and fellowship. But some years December can look like a bully on the playground taunting us…tripping us...pushing us around…controlling us. December can sit at a distance shouting, reminding us that there will be an empty chair at the Christmas table. It controls our emotions through whispers of doom and hopeless futures.

Ten years ago, I had one of those years where I had to be dragged into December. As the calendar turned from the gratitude of Thanksgiving to the dread of December, I found myself not wanting to put up a Christmas tree or decorate at all. My sister Beth had been given less than two weeks or so to live and the thought of those twinkling lights as her light faded felt hypocritical and disrespectful. Bruce came to me and gently encouraged me to put the tree up for the sake of our kids and grandkids. I was convicted with his words and began ‘opening the car door’ to join the others in December. But the most amazing thing began to happen as I unpacked each ornament and the rest of my decorations. I became acutely aware of the blessings God had given me. It’s tough to focus on the lack when we stand before the reminders of so many good things from God. As I hung one ornament up it reminded me of a favorite Christmas shop in Charleston and I was thankful for vacations. As I hung up the stockings, I was humbled by the fact that God entrusted me with Kristen, Michael and Caroline…what a privilege it was to raise them and now walk with them as best friends. I cradled in my hands the little ornament made by my granddaughter whom I had cradled for years. I surrounded myself with Christmas music which made the tears fall with some sadness but also with lots of joy. I was grateful that I had a husband who was so incredibly supportive through this devastating season. But the greatest realization was that whether Beth was in Heaven or on earth she had already won. She was about to break the bow and unwrap the greatest gift ever. And that’s the day that my heart was reminded that JESUS OVERCAME DEATH SO THAT WE COULD TOO!

Whether you are experiencing the death of a relationship or the death of a loved one don’t be afraid of the month of December. I know how hard it can be, but the payoff is great! When we set our minds and hearts on Jesus, the baby who ushered in our eternity and future reunions, death holds no power over our Decembers. So, get out of the car and walk towards December with hope. Light your Christmas candles and inhale the memories. Blast your Christmas music and dance on top of your sadness. Hang those precious ornaments counting your blessings for each one that marks the gifts in your life. Most of all, expect future joy for through Christ all things are possible and one day the old sadness will be gone and the new blessings will be found.

Dressing in Love

“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.” Co 3:12 – The Message.

When our children were little I would always go before them and lay out the clothes I had chosen for them to wear that day. Caroline in particular would need extra help since her goal was always to maneuver her bathing suit into her attire no matter the time of year. Some days the kids would comply and dress themselves appropriately while other days they would go ‘off script’ creating their own unique coverings. As I was thinking about those yesteryear days, I found myself smiling reminiscing about some of the crazy things they wore. They are now all grown and fortunately all have a nice style of their own and wear garments that are suitable for public.

But I began thinking of it in spiritual terms and how God goes before us laying out what He has chosen daily for us to wear. As our passage states, God has given us the wardrobe He desires for us to be clothed in whether in public or private. One of the greatest examples of this wardrobe was when I facilitated Grief Share at our church. One by one family members filed in broken and despaired wearing an incredible spirit of heaviness and hopelessness. As the group continued to return each Sunday night, I sensed the weight of the individuals a little lighter than the week before. Why was this? What was different the subsequent weeks from the first week? It was the spirit of compassion and community which always was ushered in by the Father of compassion. It took courage for those hurting hearts to show up, and it took hope to propel them to attend. Each week I would watch one heavy hearted person slip the garment of love and compassion around the shoulders of another. The next week I watched that same comfort be reciprocated. Anger, bitterness and hopelessness are so much easier to dwell in because it is humanity’s default emotion. But to show up bloodied, bruised and broken takes courage that nothing else can replace. When the brokenness in our eyes is reflected in the brokenness of someone else’s we suddenly see ourselves equalized and energized to comfort another.

Will we see the human behind the hurt? Will we take our heartbreaking experience and do something to help another? Will we show up like the Grief Share participants did with the courage to care and the heart to share wrapping our compassion around another? Lysa TerKeurst writes in It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, ‘The compassionate soul who has hurt deeply and come out loving is one of the superstars of God’s grand story, and the one you want near you in the battles of life. She wears well her scars of suffering and can’t wait to tell you her survival story so you too, can survive…So show up…People need you. People need me. People need to know God’s compassion is alive and well and winning the epic battle of good versus evil’ pp. 83-84.

The Loudest Christmas Ornament Ever

This past Thanksgiving Bruce and I weren’t able to celebrate with any members of our family due to an upper respiratory infection and stomach bug. It was probably the first Thanksgiving without family in a few decades. It gave me compassion for those who for various reasons regularly experience the holiday without their family. I was so sad yesterday that we weren't able to join our kids and grandkids at the beach but knew I had two choices…I could stew and feel sorry for myself or I could take captive my emotions and do something good for my soul. I decided to begin decorating my house for Christmas, unloaded the tree and collected all the decorations from years past. As the day unfolded so did my gratitude for blessings that God has given me the other 364 days of each year. I was overwhelmed thinking about my life since His first holy breath entered my lungs. But then, I opened a drawer to retrieve the last of my decorations and there it was…the most painful Christmas ornament ever…a little porcelain Christmas tree that encased a ball that jingled around when moved. At first glance you would not think anything special of this ornament, but my glance is a little different.

This ornament hung from the IV pole of my sister’s constant companion in the Hospice House a few months before she died. Ten years ago, next month this ornament rattled with every move she made as if it was reminding us that life still existed. As the family members took their turn sleeping on the pull-out sofa in her room, we all came to know the constant jingle this ornament made. One night I had actually fallen asleep only to be awaken by the jingle of the little tree atop the pole. With the back light behind her, I saw her frail silhouette making her way towards the mini-fridge to sneak a gulp of chocolate milk. Then I saw her turn slowly holding onto the pole and gaining her strength she slowly made her way back to the bed all the while the ornament reminding me that she was still among us…she was still a part of our Christmas season…she was still on earth and not yet in Heaven.

But this morning as I sit here in the dark staring at my newly decorated tree and considering the most painful Christmas ornament ever…a quiet ornament that should be jingling...I am reminded of God’s faithfulness. This morning the ornament jingles in my heart in ways it never has before. Its message is Scriptural…it’s holy…it’s eternal...but most of all it's message is for you and for me. It reminds me that everything God did for her ten years ago was to prosper her instead of harming her and now she enjoys the perfection of Heaven. (Jeremiah 29:11) It reminds me that because of Christ she has overcome this world and so will I (John 16:33). It reminds me that we are not to be surprised when trouble and suffering find us because Jesus told us we would experience tough things (1 Peter 4:12) It reminds me that the devastating things we might be experiencing will become old things…former things…past pain replaced with new seasons…joyful seasons…hopeful futures (1 Peter 4:12). It reminds me that Jesus has gone to make a place for me and for you and He will come back and take us to that place (John 14:3). It reminds me that God never left Beth once in her intense suffering and He won't leave us in our despair (De 31:6).

I think I will shake the little ornament daily throughout the Christmas season as if I have found the ultimate Advent item. With each jingle God’s promises speak and with each view of that little porcelain Christmas tree I will be reminded of God’s ultimate will for each of us…to get us all home with Him where sin and suffering aren’t invited to the celebration.

Tug of War

"They stumble because they disobey the message..." 1 Peter 2:8

When I was a little girl one of the games that I wasn’t wild about was Tug of War. The game was a test of strength between two teams, one rope and a center mark. Each team would tug on the rope trying to pull the other team across the center line. I always felt like the weak link in that game because rarely did my team win. There was yanking and pulling…rope burns and stumbling…tightening and releasing. Little did I know that was a foreshadowing of this game called life.

Our lives reveal a constant pull between good and evil on this earth. There are two teams that come to the game, both wanting to defeat the other…the flesh and the Spirit…the created and the Creator…our will and ‘Thou will.’ Sometimes we can feel like the rope being yanked into flesh decisions when our spirit gets weak. We tell little lies...we repeat a little gossip...we harbor a little bitterness...all compromises. Other times we feel strong and confident and seem to have a good grip on our temptations, but only for the moment. To be sure the teams are always there, and one will never concede to the other. But the truth I must tell myself when I’m being yanked and pulled into the direction of the flesh is that the other team has already won. Christ is the center mark and there is no taking back the cross! We will continue to be pulled into the direction of the world, but we have the strength in Christ to overcome the pull. By navigating through life allowing Christ to lead, our weakness will be the very thing that ushers in His strength.

If Christ is the center mark then the Bible is the rope to which we should cling. It gives us a firm grip on right and wrong when we keep it in our hands. No game of Tug of War has ever been won by compromising the hold and no faith will ever be grown when we compromise our beliefs.

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” Philippians 3:12

The Water Brooks of God

“As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You…My tears have been my food day and night...I pour out my soul within me…O my God, my soul is cast down within me; Therefore I will remember You…” Psalm 42:4, 6

A few weeks ago, a woman came to me for prayer at church and began telling me her situation. The details of her circumstances were certainly exhaustive and completely overwhelming with her husband’s medical issues, one after another. Her situation had been going on in its extremity for over 5 years. It is an understatement to say her soul was ‘panting like a deer who was experiencing a drought with no brook in sight.’ But the haunting image she said to me right before the prayer was an image that penetrated my heart reminding me of the season when my daughter’s life was ebbing away through drugs. She stated, ‘I feel as if we have been dangling our feet on the side of the grave for 5 years.’ My stomach dropped, and the memories of that season were resurrected. She gave expression to my emotions in such a powerful image. For 8 years we had our feet dangling on the side of the grave, but thankfully the grave did not yet call for her through the will of God.

Any time I am feeling discouraged about other ‘heart hopes and desired dreams’ I can’t help but to remember just like our psalmist. I can’t help but to remember how God restored my marriage after a season of sinful spending. I can’t help but to remember how God placed 3 children into my arms entrusting me as their mother. I can’t help but to remember how God snatched Kristen from the grave and gave her new life. I can’t help but to remember how God looked upon my sister’s broken body and carried her home, making her perfect and whole.

I’ll just bet some of you may be feeling like your feet are dangling in an open grave, but like the psalmist we must gain future hope from past mercies given from God. We must remember that Jesus overcame the grave! We must remember that anything lost in this world will be found in Heaven! We must remember that through Christ, nothing is impossible! We must remember that God will quench our souls in our droughts when we remember our personal history with Him during other times of suffering.

When we approach the water brooks of God, we will be refreshed with the hope of a future reality of no death and no sin. By remembering His faithfulness in the past we can claim His faithfulness for our future.

Stuck in the Nostalgia of Yesteryear

“I have loved you,” says the LORD. “Yet you say, ‘How have You loved us?’” Malachi 1:2a

The people of God were experiencing consequences regarding their apathetic relationship with God. Instead of walking in obedience and humbling gratitude that they were no longer slaves in Babylon they were stuck in the nostalgia of yesteryear. They wanted things back the way they were before Babylon attacked and disrupted everything in their lives. They couldn’t even be thankful for what God was doing for them in their present season because they couldn’t get out of their minds a previous season. Instead of praising and thanking God for their blessings and favor they utter the most irreverent and sarcastic question... ‘How have you loved us?’

Are we any different today? Every single one of us can think back on a time of complete joy before our crisis hit. When life as we knew it was certainly a kinder and gentler set of circumstances. But just like the invasion of Babylon, we are invaded by a medical diagnosis…we are invaded by a betrayed relationship… we are invaded by unemployment...invasions that come in many forms. I know in the past I have had an attitude in my prayers of ‘How have you loved me?’ while trying to resolve heartbreaking circumstances. I have looked around to see seemingly perfect seasons for others while my season was far from it. I would quickly try to dismiss my thought of ‘Look how You have loved them.’ The one who coined that phrase is the one who whispers in our ear…Satan. Since the Garden of Eden mankind has had to grapple with their belief between God’s promise of love and Satan’s antagonist sarcasm of God’s lack of love.

‘Change is inevitable but trusting God through it is a choice.’ The Faithful – Heroes of the Old Testament, Lisa Harper, p.142. I know the more deeply I pursue God the more confident I am about His character. I remind myself of the ways He has loved me, and it always replaces any negative or ungrateful thoughts. Choosing to trust God when things don’t seem lovely is to make an intentional effort to recall all the goodness God has done. When we keep His faithfulness and sacrificial love in the forefront of our minds and in the deep recesses of our hearts, we will be able to hush the whispers of the enemy. We can replace our questions of uncertainty with proclamations of God’s faithfulness.

Pest Control

“So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewing locust…And praise the name of the LORD your God, who has dealt wondrously with you” Joel 2:25-26.

I have so much gratitude and comfort when I apply this passage to my past.  When I consider the years of pursuing a certain image instead of an image in Christ it saddens me.  When I recall things outside of my control that I allowed to consume me it makes me regretful.  As I look back in my rear-view mirror, I look at the years that were chewed up with self-focus and spiritual laziness.  But God doesn’t have us look at the lost years to resurrect feelings of guilt, shame or regret.  He has us look back at past mistakes or failures to show how far He has brought us.  He not only wants to reveal that He has redeemed us from those times, but He wishes to convince us that those years still do the work of faith in our present and future experiences.  He takes what was lost and returns it just like He promises.  Redeeming those lost years…those lost hopes…those lost loved ones will be restored...some on earth and some in Heaven.  Only a thin veil separates the restoration of where we will receive the blessings.

In The Faithful, Jennifer Rothschild writes, “Just as none of us are as young as we once were, all of us have places in our lives where the ‘locusts’ have eaten – hopes dashed, mistakes made, and losses piled on…but God is saying, ‘I am not only going to redeem you now, but my redemptive touch will not be confined to the present or even to the future.’ God’s work in our lives renews everything that has come before – our best days and our worst days” p. 124.

We all have years that stole our peace and joy, some self-induced and some by the choices of others.  Those years in retrospect can certainly make us sick to our stomach and weary in our soul.  But when God takes our endings (whatever that may be) He begins a redemptive work on our new beginning.  To be consumed with the ending of something might be to forfeit the beginning of something wonderful.  Don’t spend your days and nights with the locusts.  They are liars and echoes from another time that don’t deserve power over you.  ‘You are not your past!  You are not what has happened to you.  You are not your struggle.  You are not someone else’s opinion.  You are not your fear or insecurity.  You are loved, accepted, and complete' p. 126.  You are God’s daughter and son!