When I look back on my life as a little girl, I can now see it through the eyes of reality. I never knew how much was being done on my behalf behind the scenes. I didn’t realize how much my grandparents were lifting the four of us in prayer, and faithfully asking God for things on our behalf. When I left for school in the morning, I never knew the millions of things my parents did for us while I wasn’t there. As I was writing my name at school, they were writing checks to the insurance company to ensure my medical needs were cared for, and to the power company to guarantee my warmth and comfort. I never really considered that the snack I grabbed after school was available because my mother had gone to the store while we were gone. I’m sure they can’t count the discussions they had on our behalf behind closed doors. My needs were always met even though I never actually saw my parents go through the details of providing many of them.
There have certainly been times when I felt like God was silent and even absent from my circumstances. I couldn’t see any evidence that He was working in my pain and suffering. During the season, I was like a watchman in a tower just waiting for the slightest sign on the horizon of His presence. I was looking for Someone who was already with me. I’m sure I was pleading with the very One who had already determined the outcome and orchestrated the details. Like my parents when I was a little girl, while I was physically apart from them, they were orchestrating the things needed for us. God is no different… our inability of seeing Him working doesn’t change the fact that He is.
What do we do when we feel like God is distant and absent in our suffering? Lisa TerKeurst writes, ‘I saw myself desperately crying out to God. I saw no evidence that God was doing anything with my cries. I saw painful minutes turn into hours and then into days…But I didn’t see God doing anything about any of this…Doesn’t a relationship mean you show up?’ It’s Not Supposed to be This Way, p. 55-56. When we get disillusioned that God is not moving in the way we think He should we must wrestle with those thoughts. We must take our emotions hostage before they take us hostage. We must speak truth into our hearts that begins with the most basic principle…God is love and God is good. We must lay down our pride that the outcome we want might not be the best outcome for others.
I know looking back that my parents were always there for me in every way. God was and is and will be so much more if we will just let Him be God. God over the health of our loved ones…God over our finances… God over our children and grandchildren…God over our marriages. The biggest reminder we must tell our hearts is that God doesn’t have to show up…He never left.
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