Precious Thorns

“…there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” 2 Cor. 12:7-9

This is one of the most recited verses in all of the Bible. People will whisper these encouraging words into the ears of a heartbroken person in grief. These are words written in cards for encouragement as a parent sits beside their child’s hospital bed. They were the words my parents and grandmother faithfully recited to me when my faith wasn’t enough as my daughter was homeless and drug addicted. And now, God has lifted these words out of the ink and written them upon my heart this morning and ‘I must boast in the Lord.’

Over the past month or two I have been in a serious state of self doubt as a Christian as my ‘Christ-like attitude’ waned. My compassion had been replaced with impatience and my love had been substituted with frustration and irritation. Caregiving is not for the faint of heart for sure. During these months of self-doubt, Satan certainly tormented me bringing me into agreement with his message instead of God’s. He convinced me daily that I was not the kind of Christian God could use anymore since my attitude was less than lovely. He convinced me that my devotionals were fraudulent as I wrote of trying to respond like Christ only for me to respond in anger, bitterness then self-condemnation in the privacy of my own home. I was allowing Satan to use my weaknesses for his glory instead of using my weaknesses for God’s glory.

I would go to the Well each morning but seemingly as I departed from the well my bucket would become lighter as I was aware my peace was dissipating into thin air. Much like Paul, I go to the source many times during the day and plead that my thorn of ‘less than lovely attitude’ be removed. God has shown me this morning (and I must boast in Him) that my thorn is my complete dependency for these out of control emotions. He wants to show me another level of grace – sustaining grace. This is grace that is living and breathing as sustenance in being successful in this season. This is grace that will show others as I testify that only by surrendering this thorn many times during the day will grace be mine. It is only displayed in my weaknesses so instead of condemning myself I will boast in the Lord for His strength and power to be displayed.

I have known and experienced the sufficient grace of God in my grief after losing my sister and dad to cancer. I am an adopted child of God through Christ’s saving grace. I am now in receipt of God’s sustaining and enabling grace as I walk through the fire and my thorn is my constant awareness that I cannot produce an attitude of Christ on my own and apart from God. My thorn of uncontrolled emotions can only be settled by my complete reliance on God continually. My commentary states, ‘It is when we are conscious of our own weakness and nothingness that we most depend on the power of God. And it is when we are thus cast on Him in complete dependence that His power is manifested to us, and we are truly strong. And it continues to be God’s answering to his suffering people throughout the world. Better than the removal of trials and sufferings is the companionship of the Son of God in them, and the assurance of His strength and enabling grace.’ p. 1866.

‘As I boast in Him…’