When Death Loses

“For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’s sake, so that Jesus’s life may also be displayed in our mortal flesh. So then, death is at work in us, but life in you.” 2 Cor 4:11-12

Well it is only 7:00 a.m. but I am emotionally worn out for the day.  My Bible study was so intense and probed in areas that have been closed off for years. It completely trespassed on land that hasn’t been walked upon in a very long time.  I have never fully understood our passage until this morning and have a whole new experience with it. 

When my sister Beth was diagnosed with Bile Duct Cancer she was given 3-6 months to live.  The family created a CaringBridge website where we documented her daily journey.  It had a guestbook section where people could post their encouragement, Scripture and prayers.  Reading those posts was life for Beth and we enjoyed reading them with her.  Her small body was riddled with cancer, but her spirit was saturated in whole health.  She never complained, never showed any anger and never forgot her smile.  While death wrestled life inside her, her walk was inspirational, and her legacy was unforgettable.  Many people have told us their lives changed through the experience of watching her life ‘carry around death’ walking towards real life.  I knew that I couldn’t write today’s post without revisiting the CaringBridge books which contain the life people discovered through her death.  Because just as Christ suffered we suffer on earth, but because of His resurrection death loses the fight!  Death seems to scream louder, but life quietly wins.  As I tearfully turned to the last page…the last post…the last splash of ink I was blessed with the faithfulness of God.  I saw my dad’s last entry.  He completely understood that while death wages war within us, life will be what’s on display for each of us when we cross over into that beautiful land.  “The fact is, sometimes God may…allow us to go through something that nearly kills us so someone else can come alive…He can use death at work in one person to demonstrate life at work to another.” The Quest, p.187.

The empty cross gave every one of us who believe the greatest exchange that every happened on this planet.  Our births wrapped us in flesh giving us covering to live in this world.  When our flesh fails, as it was meant to, it will be exchanged for our heavenly covering of perfection.  So, I leave you this morning with the last ink written in the CaringBridge book written by my dad who joined her a year later.

“Thank you dear one for your faithfulness to God…Beth, the impact your life has made on people throughout your sphere of influence is truly inspirational.  As I said in my tribute, mom and I will see you on the other side.  To our loving daughter, this is a new beginning!   Love, Mom & Dad.” 3/20/2009

Shelving Baby Jesus

“Then everyone deserted him and fled.” Mark 14:50

One of the most guaranteed frustrations when my children were little was realizing the gifts they most desired for Christmas kept their attention for only a few days.  Some things they wanted took a miracle to find, only to end up tucked away in a closet after a few days.  It is the week after Christmas, and hopefully we are beginning to box up decorations, stash away boxes and bows for next year, and throw away the Christmas leftovers.  The credit card bill will soon come in, and the calendar will once again boast of obligations and clutter.  We have been keenly focused over the past week on baby Jesus and God’s gift of a Savior.  We have attended powerful candlelight services, possibly enjoyed communion and had Jesus on our minds.  But are we like our young children a few days after Christmas?  Have we become bored with keeping our mind on Jesus?  Do we relegate Him to the closet until Easter when He is once again invited as our focus?  Are we like the disciples who turn our face away from God and flee after the things of this world?

Seeing the lifeless Christmas trees laying on the side of the road, and the large trashcans full of torn wrapping paper and boxes are directives for us to get back to normal life.  But shouldn’t normal life be the worship and praise of Jesus every day?  Isn’t His life, walk and sacrifice worthy of celebration the entire year?  Why is so hard to stay focused on who He is, and what He did for us the rest of the year?  I am certain it is because Satan hates Christmas, and immediately distracts us!  He wants to get back to business as usual, where he doesn’t have to work so hard.  He hates that there is even one day when celebrating Jesus is easy.  He hates that there is impenetrable joy, sweet fellowship, love and laughter between the people of God for a little while.  He hates that extra kindness is being shown during the season, resources are being shared, God is being worshiped and churches are full. 

Wouldn’t it be great to enrage the serpent every day of the year?  We can do just that!  Every morning we can make God first.  Dust will not collect on our Bibles when our hands are all over it.  Prayer will be on our lips instead of plans on our minds.  We can serve others the rest of the year, not giving Satan any foothold.  Through our intentional efforts we will not put the most wonderful gift of this season in the closet.  We will carry Him around with us, include Him in every decision that comes upon us, and trust Him in every adversity that finds us.  He is for us and desires us 365 days of the year, so let’s let Him what He so desires.  Let’s use our authority and tread on Satan.

“Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.”  Luke 10:19

The Mystery of the Lion

“…for now we see through a glass, darkly…” 1 Cor 13:12 KJV

This morning when I got up I came downstairs and began looking for my glasses.  Bruce had gone to get them last night but couldn’t find them.  I knew that before anything could happen I had to search for them.  Otherwise, I would miss out on my time in the Word.  I love cracking open my study and Bible each morning.  Mainly, because I lack so much, and it contains all the provisions of hidden treasures I need each day.  I began looking the places I usually leave them…the usual suspects…but to no avail. I remembered that I had a pair of sunglasses with readers in them.  I put them on and the sharpness was improved but the light had gone.  I decided to try Bruce’s five-year-old progressive ones that he seldom uses since he has contacts.  Everything seemed so distorted at first but eventually I got used to it.  Neither pair gave me everything I needed, but separately had a little benefit.

This is how it is when we walk with our eyes focused on the things of this world.  We search for things that we feel we lack, and we grab sorry substitutes which benefit us in part, but not fully.  We become comfortable with things that we should not.  We change our views based on the world’s opinions.  Christ came into the world to become that beautiful vision of light and life.  He left the perfect home of heaven and stepped down into a dark world.  Light walked around in dark so in our darkness we could find our way eventually to Light.  In Christ there is a mystery where treasures are hidden, and discovery is our pleasure.  In my darkest times, those times when my vision was limited, I have found hidden blessings unlike anything I ever found in calm times.  ‘The dark stretches on our journey may be unwelcome, but they offer wide-open space for trust…They mystery is part of what we love.  The mystery is what we crave.  It is part of what has kept some of us studying the same text and seeking the same God for decades.  The very fact we can’t figure it all out is one reason we’re still here.  We long for exactly what we’ve got:  a Lion we can’t tame but can trust.’ The Quest, Beth Moore, p. 170.

If we will only trust God in our dark times and keep our eyes peeled for the treasures that can only be found in the dark.  If dark is really light to Him as the Bible states that we must always search for Him for our vision.  We must reach for Him for the light and the sharpness of His message.  When we do, we will receive so much more than we could ever imagine.  We don’t have to be scared of the dark because in the darkness He shows Himself as light.

“I will give you the treasures of darkness, and riches from secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord.” Isaiah 45:3.

Breathless

“She came…and spoke to him about everything that was on her mind. So Solomon answered all her questions; nothing was too difficult for the king to explain to her. When the queen of Sheba observed all…it took her breath away. She said to the king, ‘The report I heard…is true. But I didn’t believe…until I came and saw with my own eyes. Indeed, I was not even told half. Your wisdom and prosperity far exceed the report I heard.” 1 Kings 10:1-5

Like many of you I don’t remember life apart from going to church. My parents never gave us an option and they piled us in the old station wagon every time the church doors opened. The Lords Prayer and Apostles Creed were recited in my words as if I was saying my alphabet. The reading of Scripture was as monotone as reading a school assignment for a grade. My prayers were as polite as an answer to a question from my parents’ friends. But like the Queen of Sheba there came a time in my adulthood where there were many questions I pondered. There were things that no longer made sense…attitudes and behaviors that no longer satisfied…answers that turned into questions. I decided that I would delve into the Bible and pursue the wisdom of authors who wrote on the things of God. Bible study after Bible study, passage upon passage my knowledge of the One who breathed life onto it's pages increased. It didn’t increase because of anything I did, but increased because I went to the Wellspring of wisdom and understanding. Time after time He took my breath away, showing me things He was a part of and things that He was not a part of. It took my breath away the way He convicted me only to forgive me. It took my breath away how He comforted me when my heart was broken. It took my breath away how He divinely entrusted me with gifts only He could give. ‘The report I heard is true!' I had to come to the table and see with my own eyes!

I had to see how He would save my daughter from drugs. I had to come to the realization that I was a sorry savior and my surrender was my arsenal. I had to believe that God would heal my heart when my loved ones passed into heaven. I had to experience how death to self, meant life in Christ. I had to come…and I had to see! ‘Indeed, I was not even told half!’ He far exceeds anything I ever learned in church, but now my worship in church far exceeds anything it ever has. NOTHING has been too difficult for the King to accomplish on my behalf. NOTHING has been too difficult for the King to reveal to me. NOTHING will be too difficult for the King to perform and arrange on your behalf. You and I must continue to ‘come and speak to Him.’ The things we bring to Him will be returned 100-fold when we pursue His knowledge and wisdom on all things.

‘[The] King…gave the queen…her every desire – whatever she asked – besides what he had given her out of his royal bounty.’ 1 Kings 10:13

Potato Chips and Pork & Beans

When I was a little girl one of the most exciting things for me was the day leading up to my birthday. I really felt that a birthday celebration was special, as if I was the only one who was ever born on July 8. It felt as if the whole world would stop that day just to allow me to observe my special day. My mother never failed to arrange a day that lived up to that hope. I remember one of my favorite birthdays was when I turned 8 years old. I had asked for potato chips and pork and beans for my birthday. I remember specifically looking out of the window and watching my mother set up a few tables and chairs. The table held some wrapped presents and I was so excited when I saw the wrapped can-shaped gifts. We still laugh about that in our family but that is what is so special about birthdays…your heart holds desires that come true on that day.

I have a friend whose sister has been very ill for quite a while. Her sister’s heart has always been full of Jesus, and her love for others flowed from that heart. Her battle was cancer, and its cruelty lived up to the reputation. Her walk was nothing less than inspiration, and her courage and fight gave others permission to hope and embrace. As I was praying for her yesterday, I asked God not to take her on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I inserted my own desire for her family over God’s perfect plan. What was His perfect plan? It was to call her home 5 hours ago. It was for her to be invited to the birthday party of the One for whom she has lived her whole life. It was for her to be a guest at His party, but all the gifts would have her name on them. I can just see it with the eyes of my heart. She walks up to the gate of Heaven with her greatest gift in her hand, a devoted heart of worship. Jesus invites her into the party and the music begins, and there will be dancing for sure! There is a long banquet table with all her favorite culinary offerings, and her name card is right between her mother and Christ. She realizes that they have saved her a seat at the birthday party, and for the first time in a good while she is healthy, whole and hungry. I wish God would send some snapshots from Heaven to her family who is on this side. But this I know…as God is throwing a huge party for His Son, He will not spare the gifts of peace, comfort and sustaining grace for those on earth.

When I think of this precious woman who is sitting around the birthday table today, I remember what my grandmother said when my granddaddy died. I asked her how she was doing so well without him and her answer still warms my heart. She said, ‘Brenda, your granddaddy just got up from one side of the table of Jesus and moved to the other side.’

Join me in prayer for this sweet family who walked her to the party. No doubt, she has opened many crowns and is casting them at the sweet feet of Jesus. "Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can't heal." Come As You Are, David Crowder

The Best Re-Gifting Ever

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Rev 21:4

When I was a little girl there was nothing better than Christmas morning. I can easily transport my heart and mind back to laying in the darkness waiting for the first signs of the sun awaking. I would be wide-eyed wondering what on earth was taking it so long to display its beautiful colors. I knew that once the tiniest slice of sky appeared the sun couldn’t help itself but to burst through. And that was my cue to jump up, wake up my sisters and run downstairs to look under the Christmas tree. Oh, of course we had to awake Mother and Daddy first.

In reminiscing this morning, I began thinking about all the gifts God has given me throughout my life. Some of the gifts have pleasantly surprised me, while others were given to me before I even was aware of my life. Unparalleled gifts I’ve experienced like my parents, my sisters and extended family. I have been given the gift of marriage, children, grandchildren, friends and acquaintances. I am still waiting to unwrap some gifts that are up ahead on another Christmas morning. There have been precious gifts to whom I had to say farewell, those gifts whose bodies wore out. But those gifts will be returned to me one day. God has promised to re-gift some my most important gifts of all…Daddy, Beth, Grandmother and Granddaddy Miller, Holdie and Granddaddy Holder. There will gifts to rediscover like my aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. It will be a day like Christmas morning no matter what time of year I go home.

The slice of heaven will open, and the fragrance of Home will seep through like a sunrise that never leaves the horizon. As I open my eyes the first gift will be the face of Christ looking right back at me. There will be gifts all around and it will take eternity to discover all of them. The next gifts will be the open arms of my family asking me what took me so long. There will incredible aromas like I’ve never smelled before. The music will flow in melodious symphony, a sound never heard on earth. The colors will be a vibrant hue that my eyes have yet to see. My mind cannot even perceive the gifts and re-gifts that the Father has wrapped for me to open.

This gives me great comfort today for those who are getting ready to open their eyes to Christmas in Heaven. All those precious friends and family who God is calling home. They are getting ready to receive some of the greatest re-gifting ever...their worn out bodies re-gifted to perfect healthy ones. Their broken hearts for departed loves ones will be re-gifted to face to face reunions. They are opening their eyes to experience in full what they have only known in part on earth. On earth our loved ones have known pain, suffering, sickness and sin but God is turning that gift into joy, wholeness, healing and perfection. No matter what day the calendar says they are opening their eyes to Christmas morning.

Champion of our Cause

“I long for your salvation. I put my hope in your word. My eyes grow weary looking for what you have promised; I ask, ‘When will you comfort me? How many days must your servant wait? When will you execute judgment…?” Psalm 119:81-84

Psalm 119 is the longest single chapter in the Bible. The author of Psalm 119 is unknown, but most scholars agree that it was written by David, Ezra, or Daniel. Each of these proposed authors suffered serious difficulties in his life. The persecution and affliction of the man (and woman) of God is a major theme of Psalm 119. I’m so thankful that God used this Psalm as an expression of the weariness of humanity. If you have never read this Psalm, it is certainly worth reading and is set up with small divisions in Scripture. These laments and pleas express the weariness of our own hearts when battling challenging and disparaging circumstances. I’ve always thought that salvation meant primarily the theology of Christianity which of course it is. But I looked up the definition this morning to better understand this passage. Another definition for salvation is the preservation or deliverance from harm, ruin, or loss.

Now we can read this passage with the cries of our heart like the ones who went before us. We long for God to preserve work, relationships and marriages. We put our hope in the promises that God has given us in His word even when we don’t see anything happening. We strain our eyes and weary our souls scanning the horizon looking for deliverance from our circumstances. Our hearts cry out for comfort in our wait. Our souls sink as we accept that we do not know how many more days we must endure our situation. We almost become resentful as we measure our challenges against the circumstances of others. Our heart echoes the longing sentiments of others a few thousand years ago which brings me to the discovery of today’s observation: humanity is a chaotic mess without Jesus!

Through this Psalm the author continues to circle back around to God’s goodness, promises and faithfulness. Its almost like he is trying to remind himself at the same time he is reminding God of the promises He has given. We have been given both example and authority to long for the things of God. He is our portion and our strength, and does not tire or grow weary. He champions our cause by taking on the burden of arranging the way, the when and the how to deliver us from whatever hardship we experience. We were never meant to carry our burdens or shoulder the responsibility of the outcome of our dilemmas. There is a beautiful segment of Scripture that puts in perspective the ability and capability of God. When our hearts begin to believe that our problems are too big we must remember how big our God is and how mighty is His power.

“Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?” Isaiah 40:12.

A Limp So Good

“Then Jacob made a vow:  If God will be with me and watch over me during this journey I’m making, if he provides me with food to eat and clothes to wear, and if I return safely to my father’s family, then the Lord will be my God.” Gen 32:27

This vow tumbled out of Jacob’s mouth with little understanding of the impact of his words.  He placed conditions on accepting God as God.  He laid out a litany of demands to determine whether to make God the center of his life.  Little did he know that the manifestation God chose to reveal Himself would be so physical.  “Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak…he struck Jacob’s hip socket as they wrestled and dislocated his hip. ‘What is your name?’ the man asked. ‘Jacob,’ he replied.  ‘Your name will no longer be Jacob…It will be Israel because you have struggled with God and with men and have prevailed.’ Gen 32:24, 27-28.

A few years ago, I found myself in a situation where God wanted me to bring a decision to Him.  I didn’t want to and had secretly held the decision at bay in my heart for a long time.  The circumstances that I had dreaded came to pass, and it was time to make a decision.  I remember at the time I was going to Belize with work and Bruce was unable to go with me.  I specifically remember that trip well, as I never cracked open the Bible for 7 days.  My brief prayers were words for others and conspicuously neglected to include myself.  The Bible study I had brought remained unopened and didn’t even unpack my companions…pens, highlighters and the computer.  I didn’t want to hear from Him because in my heart I already knew the answer.  As long as I didn’t pray about it and connect with His spirit, it wasn’t yet disobedience, right?  I wanted God on my conditions just like Jacob.  If He would do this…if He would do that…THEN the Lord would be my God in this situation.  Like Jacob, for the next three weeks I wrestled and wrestled and struggled to bring anything of significance into my time with God.  But there was a ‘dislocation’ waiting for me to experience and I will never forget that day.  As I was driving home from spending three days with Mother at the beach, I remember hearing myself say out loud, ‘God, you win…there you go, you win.’  And right there in the car between sobs, I vowed to just let God be God and trust Him for the consequences.  Man, did He deliver!  But He didn’t deliver in the way I had prayed.  He gave me what I needed instead of what I wanted.  He made me walk out the decision instead of sparing me from the experience.  And the person who emerged from that journey will never be the same… ‘You will no longer be Jacob.’ 

On the other side of that experience, I am a different person.  I am a woman who understands that apart from God I can be nothing…do nothing…attain nothing of value.  I am a woman who is fully aware that the older I get the less I know.  But what I have learned from that experience and the work God did in my heart can never be removed.  When we withhold honesty from God we set ourselves up for holy wrestling matches.  He will allow us to roll around in our bitterness…our stubbornness…our pride…our will.  But eventually in His great love He will show us that He is our God through the means that will resonate deep within our hearts.  There is nothing greater than to walk more deeply with God through our wrestling with Him…it is worth the limp.  ‘Mystery is inherent in a long journey with God.  When you’re tempted to turn away from Him over unanswered questions, turn toward Him instead and struggle honestly.  Wrestling with God can be its own form of intimacy.  It’s face-to-face and hands on.  And remember, if you’ll hang on long enough, the blessing will come, and that wrestling match will turn into embrace.”  The Quest, Beth Moore, p. 133.

“And he blessed him there…The sun shone on him as he passed by…limping because of his hip” Gen 32:29b-31.

When Empty Stockings Hang

In my heart, there are many rooms and one of my favorite areas is the mantel in the hallway where stockings hang. That hall has innumerable stockings spilling over with fullness. One stocking is filled to the brim with the joys of my marriage. Another stocking is bursting at the seams with blessings of my children and grandchildren. There is another stocking that I take off the mantel frequently…the one most frayed because of the many times I’ve revisited its contents. It is the oldest stocking that hangs in my heart, the one of my childhood with the treasures of my family members. That one never changes because the memories will never fade. I have stockings of precious friends that are beautifully displayed. But then, along with the fullness of those I glance to the end of the mantel and see so many empty ones that hang. There is an empty stocking where loved ones used to fill it up who are now in heaven. Empty stockings of dreams that never came true. They call to me some days, and I cannot help but to focus on them. Why do the empty stockings sometimes look so much bigger than the full ones?

But I am not alone in that area of my heart for as I am considering how those empty stockings hang, He suddenly appears from nowhere. He points to one of the empty stockings and whispers, ‘Oh, that one will not even be able to hold the contents when I fill it.’ He moves ahead of me and partially fills an empty one explaining ‘I am still collecting for this one, but here is a deposit as a guarantee that I will fill it.’ We move together walking down the mantel and I notice that He pulls out more empty stockings and hangs them. He turns to me with that loving look and gracious heart and says, ‘You don’t even know to ask for these.’

I can’t think of a better way to take inventory of what I have been given, what I currently have, and what He has promised me for the future than walking the halls of my heart with Jesus. He promises to justify everything in eternity that wasn’t fair on earth. He promises to fulfill every one of my desires that align with His perfect plan for my life. He promises to reunite me with my loved ones who are waiting for me in Heaven. He promises a life of full abundance in Him if I will trust Him, share time with Him and discover this temporal life through Him. He wants this for me and He wants this for you and that is our greatest filled stocking of all…the beautiful Trinity of our Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

“Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge” Romans 11:13

But What Good Is It?

“…when Jesus looked up and noticed a huge crowd…he asked… ‘Where will we buy bread so that these people can eat?’ He asked this to test him, for he himself knew what he was going to do…One of his disciples…said… ‘There’s a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish – but what are they for so many?’” John 6:5-9

A while back we had the need for a worker to fix a problem at our home. We don’t have the best of luck when it comes to getting the job done in a satisfactory way the first time. Over a span of a few days this worker continued his best but soon it became obvious he wasn’t equipped to meet the expectations of the job. We were hopeful…we were watchful…we were patient! Not that the situation wasn’t disappointing, but I still laugh every time I think of Bruce’s statement that summed it up. He looked at me one evening and said ‘Brenda, I don’t think he’s going to be able to pull this off.’ For whatever reason, it cracked me up then and still makes me laugh to think about it. Bruce ended up redoing the project and with God’s help did a great job.

The disciples were watching this dilemma unfold as group after group crowded in on them in the thousands. I wonder how entertained Jesus might have been in His mind as He considered what He was setting up. Scripture tells us He already knew that He was going to pull off one of the most baffling and supernatural miracles in the Bible. How did He keep from smiling when He asked the question ‘Where is the food?’ When one of the disciples suggested the little boy’s five loaves of bread and two fish, Jesus accepted the offer (‘Have the people sit down’). I can only imagine the disciples standing on the side, whispering to each other those same words, ‘I don’t think He’s going to be able to pull this off.’ Were they watchful? Were they hopeful? Were they already considering a plan B?

How many times have we had that same attitude? There have times when facing insurmountable circumstances my heart felt like Jesus just might not be able to pull this thing off…save my child from drugs…sustain my physical and emotional body when I was a caregiver…several years without work…survive the deaths of my loved ones. That’s what God loves to do! He loves to set up unfolding situations that look hopeless and impossible. He loves to be invited into the equation when considering all the problems that surround and consume us. He longs to be calculated into the math of our dilemmas. Jesus was basically saying to the disciples, ‘Bring to me what you already have and watch me provide!’ Their 'what good is it' attitude was replaced with 'so much more than enough' observations as they saw leftovers laying around.

Those words are still on God's lips and in His heart when dealing with our weaknesses. 'Bring me what you have.' We bring to Him our hopelessness…our exhaustion…our loneliness…our unresolved dilemmas. Once we hand them over they become infused with greatness and God’s power, the same power that raised Jesus from the dead. His resurrection was the greatest thing ever pulled off for you and for me. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, is beyond the ability of our God.

"Jesus looked at them intently and said, "Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible." Matthew 19:26

When Roosters Crow

“Immediately, while he was still speaking, a rooster crowed. Then the Lord turned and looked at Peter. So Peter remembered…how he had said to him, ‘Before the rooster crows you will deny me three times.’ And he went outside and wept.” Luke 22:60b-62

Bruce’s mom and dad had this large picture of Jesus that had hung in their den for many years. Personally, it hurt my heart to look at it because Jesus had tears in His eyes and had the most despaired look on His face. When his dad came and lived with us the last year of his life, we hung that picture in the den that we prepared for him. He died near the beginning of 2011 and it wasn’t until last month that I finally found a home for it outside of the family. I offered it to the family first but every single one said ‘No thank you. His eyes are just too sad.’

I can’t even imagine being Peter and facing those eyes in person when Jesus turned and looked at Peter as the rooster was crowing. Peter loved Jesus with a passion like no other. In fact, the night before, Peter proclaimed in front of Jesus and the group, ‘Lord…I’m ready to go with you to prison or to death.’ I believe he really did mean it when he said it. It’s amazing what fear can make you do. Because of fear, what you think you believe in your heart doesn’t end up matching your actions. Because of fear we accept less than instead of waiting on God. Because of fear we say yes to things we might should say no to. I know that there were times when I knew I had grieved the heart of Christ with choices I made. There were times when I said I’m ready to go, but I delayed with my feet. There will certainly be times in all our lives when we will hear our own roosters crow. Times when we feel our faith failure and must face the reality of our consequences. I used to dread consequences when I did things wrong, but now it hurts me more to know I hurt the Lord than any thing else.

But Jesus has a heart bigger than anything on this earth, and a love for us that is unmatched…unparalleled...relentless. His grace for us is unending...inexhaustible...indescribable. He only shows us our failures to propel us to our victories. He only points out the weakness to invite us into His strength. He allows us to feel His sadness to bring us into His joy. In our despair He comforts our hearts…in our fear He extends His courage…in our lack He gives us His provision…in our repentance of sin He offers forgiveness. I love His question to the disciples, and it is the same question He asks us.

“‘When I sent you out…did you lack anything?’ ‘Not a thing’ they said” Luke 22:35.

You Is Good...You Is Kind...You Is God

"And he said, ‘Please, show me Your glory.’ Then He said, ‘I will make all My goodness pass before you, and I will proclaim the name of the LORD before you…’ And the LORD said, ‘Here is a place by Me, and you shall stand on the rock. So it shall be, while My glory passes by, that I will put you in the cleft of the rock, and will cover you with My hand while I pass by. Then I will take away My hand, and you shall see My back...’” Exodus 33:18-23

Have you ever felt like your life was at a standstill…frozen in time…silence from heaven…longing for something to change? Maybe it is a new relationship to appear…an old relationship to be restored…an illness to be healed…a job to be found…a mind to be at rest. I hear the heart cry of Moses in our passage this morning when he cried ‘Please, show me your glory.’ He wanted to see God in his circumstances…He wanted to witness the power of God to act in his situation. His plea to see God could have been out of frustration of not seeing His movement...not hearing His plan. I know for me and Bruce, we have been waiting on God to reveal His plan in a certain area. We have been asking for His glory to light our path in making our decisions. But God has placed us in the cleft of the rock as He is on the outside working for our benefit. What is silent to us is activity for Him.

So, like Moses what we do with that? What do we say when we are hidden away in the rock waiting on Him to accomplish the very thing our hearts are asking for? How do we find peace in a place that feels a little chaotic? We remind ourselves of how faithful He is. We bear witness through the stories of the Bible that He reveals Himself over and over since the beginning of time. We challenge ourselves to see Him for the great and good Father He is even when we cannot feel His presence. We turn our prayers into highlighting His character, ‘Father, you are good…you are sovereign…you are faithful…you are present…you are mighty and able to bring our desires and petitions into perfect alignment with your will…You are everything needed for life and godliness.’

Sometimes, until He has passed by and orchestrated all the details to answer our prayers, He will hide the mystery of the journey that got us there. But until then we must be reminded through His word, prayer and meditation that we are loved…we are chosen…we are held…we are remembered…we are His!

https://youtu.be/3H50llsHm3k

Heaven's Wardrobe Hutch

“God spoke… ‘This is how you are to bless people…Say to them, GOD bless you and keep you, GOD smile on you and gift you, GOD look you full in the face and make you prosper.’” Paraphrase by Eugene Peterson based on Numbers 6:22-26.

Like many of you throughout the year, I pick up things for my children for the upcoming Christmas. They are well-aware I keep them in the wardrobe hutch. It is no longer necessary to hide the gifts because our adult children now reside at their own homes. As I shop I see things that look just like something they would love to own. As I consider things at the store I can picture them using it and enjoying the gift. Sometimes I notice that as I am considering a purchase for my children a smile spreads across my face. I can see through my heart’s eye the joy on their face when I share the gift with them. It brings me so much happiness to watch them open it and get excited to receive it. Part of the joy for me is being present with them when they open the gifts. Part of the joy for them is sharing their excitement with us once they discover its contents. Even as adults, they still shake the box trying to guess what is in the package. I love that I can look them ‘full in the face and make them prosper.’ The joy for me is the fellowship…that is the gift.

God is no different as He relates to us as our Father. He knows all the good things that He is choosing for us. Things to experience with Him...gifts to discover because of Him…future blessings that will be unwrapped through Him. He sometimes wraps up our blessings in plain paper, while other times we discover gifts in beautiful wrapping. He knows just when certain gifts are ready to give. I can just hear the whispers of heaven as He tells the angels to watch us open our beautiful presents. We are aware when a gift comes directly from the Giver…a prayer answered…a need met…a nudging of guidance. Those are the times when God’s presence is obvious, and His blessings are experienced. He has an abundance of gifts in His wardrobe hutch, just waiting for the exact time to prosper us. He fully understands the joy of the fellowship between Himself and His children. There are no presents as precious as His presence, and that is a gift that will never wear out.  May God look you full in the face, smile at you and hand you His blessings this season and every season.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights" James 1:17

When Calendars Cry Out

“…and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.” Luke 2:7

We have just had new hardwood floors put in our house, due to water damage in our walls that traced down under the floor.  God was so generous as He provided for this expense through our insurance company.  However, our house is a complete mess!  While everyone’s wall on their facebook is displayed with beautiful Christmas decorations, my pictures are conspicuously absent.  Doors need to be placed back on their hinges…sanding dust needs to be wiped off everything from walls to dishes in cabinets…furniture needs to be moved back…baseboards need to be cut, painted and nailed back down.  I lay awake at night arranging in my head all that needs to be done in the very month when Christmas already crowds my mind and calendar.  So, I ask myself this morning, ‘Will there be room in the inn this year?’ 

We all carry Christ within us just like Mary.  We all are getting ready to celebrate the birth of Christ just like she and Joseph?  We all will wrap the thought of that precious baby Savior up in tender traditions…relational celebrations… culinary experiences…and yes, even moving spiritual observances.  But will we really ‘make room in the inn for the Savior’?  Will we serve somewhere when our calendar is already about to explode?  Will we have room in our hearts to forgive as Christ tells us to forgive?  Will we make room for God to heal our hearts while seeing the empty seats at the holiday table?  Will we allow mercy and grace for others to pull up a chair even if it is an unwanted guest? 

Making room in the inn is to set our gaze on the things that really support the reason for this season… God stepped out of heaven, invaded our earth, and did for us what we could never do for ourselves.  Making room in the inn is to be aware of our surroundings and do for others as Christ does daily for us.  Making room in the inn is to have spiritual eyes for the things that break God’s heart.  It’s to feed where others are hungry…its to invite in when others are lonely…its to share the message of God to a hurting world.   I pray that as I am about to put my house back in order that I will make room for Him in the inn.  I pray that my heart will always display a vacancy sign for His indwelling, and that space will always be made for Him no matter what my calendar screams.

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” Rev 3:20

What Good are His Blessings?

But Abram replied, ‘O Sovereign LORD, what good are all your blessings when I don’t even have a son?’” Genesis 15:2.

Now before we get consumed with judgment for poor Abraham, we must consider the tender intimacy that he experienced with God. Their relationship had transformed from the Creator and the created to the Father and His son. James goes so far in 2:23 to say that ‘Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness, and he was called God's friend.’ The more intimate they became the more comfortable Abraham was in asking God anything. He fully understood that what he held in reserve from God would become a barrier to their relationship. He formed the brazen question to a God who isn’t fickle or thin-skinned. He had the courage to verbalize the question, and gave expression to what most of us feel in our hearts all these years later.

‘O Sovereign Lord, what good are all your blessings when I don’t even have _______?’ We all possess a blank that our hearts can fill in. In our prayers we fully recognize God is powerful enough to do the impossible…He is sovereign. In our prayers we acknowledge that His other blessings are good. But do our words fall short from asking the courageous question of Abraham…what good are the blessings when my heart longs for the one thing I don’t have?

God didn’t punish Abraham for his honesty. God didn’t withhold future fulfillment or blessings because He thought Abraham was greedy. God fully understood the heart of His child, and the longing of his child’s heart. And God still does. Romans 2:11 states that God does not have favorites, and that each man is no greater than another before Him. Even after God answered his question by taking him outside and showing him the numerous stars as it related to future blessings, Abraham continued the questioning. He asked another question that probably strikes the chord of our heart… ‘LORD, how can I know?’ Again, God reaffirmed that His promise would be fulfilled in His timing…and it was. Abraham finally got the longing of heart, and because He believed, God credited righteousness to his spiritual bank.

I don’t know what _______ you hold in your heart, but God certainly does, and He also knows mine. When we pray let us all have the courage to fill in that blank and allow God to be God, the one of mystery…the one of perfect timing…the one of ultimate power. He is our Creator, our Father and our friend who never changes.

‘Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.’ Hebrews 13:8

Comings and Goings

Hagar, where have you come from and where are you going?” Genesis 16:8

This was the story of an Egyptian slave woman who worked in the home of Abram and Sarai. Abram and Sarai had tried for the longest period of their lives to conceive. Sarai concocted this plan to build a family through the slave woman, and commanded Abram to marry and impregnate Hagar. The plan flawlessly worked, until Sarai found herself so jealous of Hagar that she began to treat her with contempt. Her treatment of the young slave girl was so bad that Hagar ran away. She was kneeling by a stream in the wilderness, distraught no doubt. The beautiful words of the messenger from God both encourage me, and haunt me. ‘Where have you come from and where are you going?’ It encourages me because I know that God sees my life spread out before Him. He knows the challenges from which I’ve come, along with the failures that defined certain seasons. Faithfully, He brought me through them and never left me alone. He knows what is up ahead and the circumstances that He is arranging to get me there. But it also somewhat haunts me to answer the question of where I’ve been. I’ve been selfish…I’ve been sinful…I’ve been dishonest…I’ve been neglectful of my fellowship with Jesus. I’m certainly not proud of some of the past ‘whereabouts’ but I’m certain of where I am now. I am forgiven…I am pursued …I am cleansed through Christ…chosen by God…empowered by the Holy Spirit. I find myself at this point living in the tension of this question. Maybe God has me in the between to show me things about myself. Maybe He has me sitting tight because for me to discover my ‘where I’m going,’ circumstances must be arranged.

“God sets the pace. He won’t move you in step with your fellow sojourners. Sometimes you’ll feel like you’re getting left behind. Other times you’ll feel like you’re leaving them behind. That’s just it. Going always involves some measure of leaving. Or God may keep you indefinitely in the same place, but if you walk with Him you cannot remain the same person. There is still the going.” The Quest, Beth Moore, p. 50. And that is precisely the point! God is more concerned with who we have become when we arrive than where we are going. Sometimes standing still is still moving…moving in our faith…moving in our resolve…moving in our transformation.

I can’t wait to see where God is taking me and taking you. As we wave our goodbyes to where we have come from, we squint our eyes to see where He is taking us. And hopefully we will never be the same.

“The LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” Psalm 121:8.

When Bones Rattle

“The hand of the LORD was on me…and...by his Spirit…set me down in the middle of the valley; it was full of bones. He led me around them…and they were very dry. ‘Son of man, can these bones live?’ I replied, ‘Lord God, only you know.’” Ezekiel 37:1-3.

Over the past few years, it has been a season from heaven and hell for me. It has been my highest of highs spiritually speaking, but my lowest of lows in the earthly realm. I can relate to Ezekiel being set down right in the middle of a valley of dead bones. It was a season where I looked around and saw things drying up that previously flourished. It was one of the loneliest years I’ve ever experienced. There were certainly a few beautiful souls that God surrounded me with to lead me around in the valley. There were times I felt buried alive and questioned everything. I didn’t know what would result in the end, but I am so humbled and eternally grateful for the freedom God brought to me through this valley. He forced me to look at everything that previously motivated me, asking me ‘Can these bones live?’ He was showing me that things that used to hold power over me have no real power. No relationship can thrive without the breath of God…no circumstance can occur without His permission…nothing can have a pulse without the Creator’s hand. I have never been happier for a season to end. But, in some odd way there are melancholy moments where I reminisce about the moment to moment fellowship upon which I became so dependent. I was guilty of having the same attitude as the people in Ezekiel 37:11, “Look how they say, ‘Our bones are dried up, and our hope has perished.’ But God said, ‘Prophesy and say… ‘God says: I am going to open your graves and bring you up…and lead you into the land.’” (v. 12) God did just that! Once I began telling Him that my pleasure and approval was in Him, I began experiencing precious grace and life in places I thought were dead. I heard rumblings of mercy and grace was extended in unlikely places. Places where Satan had held power became the dried-up bones. I watched the beautiful exchange of dead things coming to life, and old attitudes drying up. I depend completely on God now who gives life and reconciles all things. I have so much more to learn, but I pray for my heart to be like an empty canvas, postured to have His beauty splashed upon its surface.

So, I ask you this morning, ‘Can your bones live?’ Can you reclaim your joy and walk with God out of your valley of dry bones? Can you claim with confidence that your past will no longer hold power over your present or future? Will you truly believe that whatever has dried up can be made yours again? Will you allow God to lead you around the dead bones, and show you how to bring the wounded parts of your heart to life again? Will you believe that He can ‘open up your graves and bring you up to a new land?’ You will never see life as you have seen it before once God restores those places in your heart that have been off limits to Him. He always goes after the most wounded parts of our hearts, with the loving intention of healing and walking in the freedom of His power.

“There was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone… ‘Then you will know that I am the LORD. I have spoken, and I will do it.’” Ezekiel 37:13b

Dreamers in Waiting

And he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. And he said to the vine dresser, ‘Look, for three years now I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and I find none. Cut it down. Why should it use up the ground?’ And he answered him, ‘ Let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure. Then if it should bear fruit next year, well and good.’” Luke 13:6-9.

There is a woman who planted her dreams in a vineyard. Each morning she would walk among them intently looking for buds on the vines. Some vines she stood in front of enjoying the fullness of their fruit…fully realized and fully experienced. She realizes that a smile has stretched across her face as she remembers the day it first showed growth. But as she walked towards a row of unanswered prayers and unfulfilled dreams the heaviness of her heart burdened her. She searched for any sign but the tears welled up in her eyes making it difficult to see. She realized that the vine dresser was always following her through her vineyard. She didn’t mind because she knew He had that special touch for the vineyard bringing every vine into fruition. Some days she was overwhelmed at all the fruitful dreams the works of His hands had produced. But, some days she had sadness in her eyes and that long enduring desire in her heart. She explained to Him that there was a vine she has been watching for years, and she never saw any evidence of fruit. She questioned what was even the point. Why should it use up space in her vineyard? Because, the vine dresser knows the perfect plan for that dream. He knows that when He digs around in the circumstances, He must add the fertilizer while removing the bad roots. But, even today she has a heart to keep asking, keep searching, keep looking for fruit. He encourages her to walk among the vines that bring her pleasure and joy until the fullness of the other ones become ripe for the gathering.

We all have dreams and unanswered prayers, but we must understand that focusing on the unfulfilled might cause us to miss out on the joy of the fulfilled ones we are presently experiencing. Continued prayers for our dreams are never a waste of ground when approaching God. He encourages us throughout His word to keep on asking…keep on seeking…keep on knocking. He knows the wonderful plans that He has for each of us, and when the time is right and the circumstances are perfectly aligned we will receive His best in all things.

“God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks.” Lamentations 3:25.

When We Are Seen

‘Can anything good come…?’ ‘Come and see.’ Philip answered. ‘How do you know me?’ Nathaniel asked. ‘Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.’” John 1:46-48.

Prior to Nathaniel’s decision to follow Jesus, he was hanging out at his house sitting under the fig tree. His friend Philip had just discovered Jesus and had inquired as to where Jesus was staying. He believed that Jesus was the fulfilled prophesy of the Messiah, and didn’t want to lose track of Him. Philip must have been so excited to go and tell his friend. His joy was quickly diminished when Nathaniel answered through the heart of skepticism and prejudice. ‘Can anything good come out of Nazareth?’ What had happened in Nathaniel’s past that made him so cynical about the hope of a Savior? What experience molded and shaped his heart that he was willing to miss out on the Promised One? Philip urged him to ‘Come and see!’ As he approached Jesus, he discovered that he was already known by this man from Nazareth. Jesus told him that he had seen him sitting under the fig tree. How could this be? When was Jesus even around? Did he hear his heart of prejudice and disbelief?

In some ways I have been Nathaniel sitting under a shade of skepticism. At the end of my prayers, I say ‘Amen’ only to walk away saying ‘Is anything good really going to even come out of this?’ I have waded through waters of hope…pools of disappointment…dashed dreams and unresolved circumstances. In thinking of Nathaniel’s posture of disbelief, I realize that God gives me a choice each morning. When I arise will I choose to sit under the weight of disbelief and stagnant prayers, or will I ‘Go and see!’ like Philip urges? Will I stand up against my past experiences of unanswered prayers, and open my eyes to the prayers He has answered? Will I keep asking…keep seeking…keep knocking since I know where Jesus lives. He lives within me and He lives within you. He only has good and perfect gifts for us as it relates to our spiritual growth. We all know loss and devastation, but will we sit down under the fig tree and become spiritually suspicious and hardhearted? When we understand that Jesus sees us in our pain and disappointment, we can know that He will not leave us alone. Even when we fail to choose Him, He still chooses us in every moment of every day.

‘You did not choose me, but I chose you.’ John 15:16.

Eating the Lies

“Who told you that…?” Gen 3:13b

Since the fall of mankind in the Garden of Eden God has been asking every generation this question. Sin and death were ushered in with a lie from Satan. A bite from the hand of the tempter will never just be a nibble. It will be a bite that eventually becomes an appetite. I know for myself it has been a lifelong struggle to reprogram the lies I brought with the truth God extends. ‘The serpent deceived me, and I ate…’ Gen 3:13b. The lies I digested from him included that I wasn’t smart enough…wasn’t good enough… wasn’t liked enough. He also told me that I would feel better if I just bought something. He told me that there was no need to tell Bruce about certain things. He told me that I didn’t have to forgive and that I was entitled to hold onto my resentment. He told me that being a Christian wasn’t fun enough … I wasn’t worthy enough…I wasn't pure enough. But God waged war in February of 2006 and began asking me this question…Who told you that? Through prayer and meditation, He helped me see that His word runs counter parallel to the lies. He told me that I was smart enough through His wisdom. He told me that I was good enough because Christ was great. He reminded me to forgive as I was forgiven. He taught me that honesty begins with a choice and that it should always be on my lips. He showed me that being a Christian is an adventure, so to keep my heart open and to hold the things of this world loosely. He told me that while I have the rest of my life to be transformed, He will provide everything needed until He ushers me home to heaven.

So, I ask you this morning…what lies have you eaten from Satan? Have you tasted the lies that you are unlovable…unforgivable…unemployable? Do you continue to return to the fruit tree of the lie that God is unable to save…unable to grant…unable to forgive...unable to redeem? ‘Who told you that?’ God’s word of truth can undo any lies of Satan. While Satan's power is demonstrated in lies, God’s power is demonstrated in truth. When you are tempted to bite the apple, open the Word and allow God to tell you your worth. I have watched my own children wrestle with the lies of Satan. He cares nothing about the age, the generation, the gender, the race or our origin. He only cares about his selfish pursuit to have us believe everything opposite of who God created us to be. So, if we are going to take a bite, lets open our mouths and eat the life-giving word of God.

“Your words were found and I ate them, And Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; For I have been called by Your name, O LORD God of hosts.” Jeremiah 15:16

A Questioning Heart

“This is what the LORD says: They stopped asking, ‘Where is the LORD…?’” Jeremiah 2:5a, 6a

Last year, my sisters and I couldn’t find our mother no matter what phone we called. We talked back and forth, texted back and forth and began feeling anxious. Over the course of the next little while, Benay got word that someone had seen an ambulance in the driveway. She followed up with the local hospital who confirmed Mother was in the emergency room. It turnedout being a severe allergic reaction, so they treated here, tested her and eventually sent her home. She had not told us because she didn’t want to alarm us. Needless-to-say, we gave her specific directions for future emergencies! I thought of this event when I read this verse today. God was well aware His people had stopped asking for Him. They no longer looked for Him in their daily circumstances. I believe there is nothing worse than feeling like you are not missed…not considered…not pursued for relationship. I can’t imagine how Mother would have felt if none of us even missed her. What would she have thought if she had to take a taxi home, realizing that no one searched for her during this time?

I believe that the heart of God was deeply grieved that no one was looking for Him. They had quit asking ‘Where are you, Lord’? They no longer pursued His spirit, sought His presence or looked for His involvement. When we quit asking God where He is, we quit searching for Him. God knows the moment we no longer question Him is the moment our hearts and minds start searching for substitutions. God has told us where He is, but that is in print on a page in the Bible. He desires us to form the question and search for Him in all our circumstances. He wants to reveal Himself to us in the good and sweet times…the mundane and the chaotic times…the confusing and the calm times. He is always with us, sometimes leading us and other times asking us to lead in faith as He acts as our rear guard. We discover by our verse this morning that the heart of God desires us to question Him. To question is to care…to question is to fellowship…to question is to learn…to question is to love and be loved.

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139:7-10.

From the Whirlwind

"Then the LORD answered Job from the whirlwind. He said, ‘Who is this who obscures my counsel with ignorant words? Get ready to answer me like a man; when I question you, you will inform me.” Job 38:1-3.

I have never noticed until this morning the book of Job is primarily made up of a series of questions between Job and his circle of influence. ‘Why is this happening? Whose fault is it? What can be done to change these circumstances? What if…?’ I find it interesting that 37 of the 42 chapters Job spent such futile energy and heightened emotion on discussing God instead of just approaching God. They gnawed on that bone until God had heard enough. Job 38:1 ushers in the exasperated question from God to a group of talkers who lack knowledge on everything. ‘Who are you listening to?’ By the time God spoke the circumstances had elevated to the description of a whirlwind.

How many of us are also guilty of spending our majority of time either talking about our problems, questioning the reason they are happening, or attempting to fix our problems in our own strength? Hours wasted sitting on our phone on hold for an answer as God sits on hold waiting for us. Hours searching the internet while God longs to be found? He cannot answer if we do not ask…He cannot be found if we do not seek…He cannot open if we do not knock. We receive little because we ask little, and then we are shocked and angered when nothing changes. We walk through our situations as victims instead of hikers. We feel that we have been done to, instead of walking with God in confidence that He is doing some critical work in our lives. We try to master over our circumstances in the rouse that we will have control. We will only have the control over our experiences that God allows. ‘Every single season of defeat is driven by lies.’ The Quest, Beth Moore, p. 11. The lie says that we can handle all our challenges when Truth says, ‘You were never meant to handle this, but to place it in God’s hands.’ The lie tells us that we have been victims, while Truth says 'You have victory in Christ.' The lie says that justice isn’t being served in our situation when Truth says, ‘Christ didn't experience His earthly justice, so our eternal justice could win in the end.’

For every question we have for man, God has an answer for us. He invites us to question Him directly, especially since He already knows the question, and already has the answer. ‘Asking is a form of intimacy.’ The Quest. I believe that the FAQ between Father and child is an act of worship, trust and revelation. Allow God to speak to you from your whirlwind and then lift your questions to Him in worship, reverence and anticipation of His answer.

'Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.' Jeremiah 33:3.