For Jacob, it was time to pay the piper…no mother to do his
bidding against his twin…no uncle to run to for protection. In true Jacob form, he had tricked his brother
out of his inheritance and blessing, and manipulated wealth within his uncle’s
family. Then one day, the Lord said ‘Enough is enough…return
to the land of your father.’ All that
remained was facing his brother of whom he had taken advantage, and had stolen
his birthright and blessing. Esau had determined
that after he had grieved the death of their father he would find Jacob and
kill him. So Jacob hatched a scheme of
offering material wealth and ill motivated blessings to Esau to receive his grace and forgiveness.
In considering this story I cannot help but to draw a
parallel between my heart and the heart of Jacob. In a lifelong attempt to please people and
gain their approval, my pacifier was service and my motivation was fear. Because we live in a selfish world, this seemed
to work for a while. As I would perform
for others I would receive their approval.
As long as I sought their good over my own the boat would not rock. I ran from relationship to relationship
pacifying people with ill motivated service just as Jacob tried to pacify his
brother. The thing about pacifiers is
that they are nothing more than people pleasers without permanence. They temporarily accomplish the goal of
buying time but never really accomplish anything of substance.
This way of thinking bled over into my relationship with
Christ. I believed the more I served the
more He would approve of me, as if I could perform my way into His heart. Much like the gifts sent to pacify his
brother, I allowed my service to go ahead of my fellowship with God. My goal was approval while His goal was
intimacy. Throughout 2011 He taught me
that His approval came to me through one way – the sacrifice on the cross of
His Son…end of story…no comma’s…just a period.
Now my service is from the overflow of His love instead of the overflow
of some fear. There is a song that
includes a line which is His message to me that gives me freedom.
"Then You look at this prisoner and say
to me 'Child, stop fighting a fight it's already been won"' Big Daddy Weave, Redeemed.
Whatever pacifier you are depending on for future comfort comes at not only a price but one that has already been paid. Don't look towards temporary calculations in search of permament blessings. He is already at the place you are striving to end up.
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