Beauty in Pain

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God.” John 1:1

I can’t even imagine John having to sit down and allow his heart to be broken all over again… rehashing his experience with Jesus after so many years had passed. Their introduction must have been quite special as he was only a 16-year-old boy. He laughed with Jesus, probably cried with Him, watched miracles, heard parables and no doubt had many private talks. His calling was to put into words the life of his dear friend…his most loved treasure…the Son of God. He had to picture Jesus on the cross again, as Jesus looked down asking him to take care of His mom. The images he worked so hard to erase would once again be placed at the forefront of his mind. The task was daunting and the heart would have to feel all over again. But John took on the impossible task and because of his sacrifice and obedience the Holy Spirit took his pain, and inspired one of the most beautiful books of the Bible…the Book of John.

I remember after our sister Beth died I was trying to process what we had just experienced. It was a whirlwind of 11 months. She had been diagnosed with Bile Duct cancer the year before and we had set up a Caring Bridge website for her. The family took turns posting morning updates and devotionals, inviting its followers to post their encouraging thoughts and prayers. The year following her death I had plenty of time to consider her life, and the experiences we had shared as a family. I felt the urging of the Holy Spirit to outline a writing project of that season. It is still an unfinished project called Living in the Hourglass. I have reached for those Caring Bridge books several times which document our family’s daily walk through this time. It is like visiting a cemetery, going from one headstone to another. The diagnosis…the treatment…the shattered hope…the funeral…daunting to relive… heartbreaking to reread. But the Holy Spirit does not disappoint and I felt led to share its introduction written a few years ago, but still remains unfinished work of God. 

"Our Dearest Beth Ann,

In April of 2008 life turned your hourglass over and grain by grain the sand began working its way through the tiny neck, pooling at the bottom. With each day, the sand at the bottom seemed to mount as we watched the sand at the top disappear. There were days when the sand seemed to stand still as if the neck was blocked, while other days the funneling was so quick we dare not look away. As fearful and devastating as it was for us to watch, I cannot imagine the hourglass from your view.

We began as a band of four sisters, and I never dreamed that would alter so early in life. But once the hourglass was flipped over, life was interrupted and turned upside down. While we watched the sand filter down, we approached this journey with optimism and hope in the Lord with our faith to carry us through. For me, I realized very early in our journey that you refused to die with cancer…you had chosen to live with cancer. The difference between the two is the attitude of the mind and heart; and well, my dear…you have always had attitude! You showed me several things through your responses in our journey. You displayed love and laughter even as the last few grains were finding their final resting place. You taught me that hope can reside in the mind and heart, no matter what the circumstances may show.

Today is your 47th birthday and our Father has called me to spill my heart onto paper, so that those who face a similar journey may be encouraged by our story. Just as He called you home, He has called me to recall and recount ‘Living in the Hourglass.’"

I know that you too have a story to write of shock, pain, hope and despair. Whether it is on paper or written only on the heart the Holy Spirit will use it, heal the pain and turn it into a beautiful story of healing and eternity.