“Then He said to them all, ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.'” Luke 9:23
A month or so ago I attended a funeral of a couple who had to say goodbye to their new-born baby. Their joyous arrival at the hospital to deliver their full-term bundle was replaced with the heartbreaking news of no heartbeat. They had to continue with the labor and go through the process of delivery only to hold their first born briefly and return him to Jesus. I must admit I was not prepared to see that tiny white coffin, much less see the husband and mother-in-law helping the new mom carefully walk across the grass to get to the tent just 48 hours later. I have had to return my sister and dad to Jesus, but this was by far the saddest service I have ever attended. I’ve thought about this frequently over the past month or so and I keep coming up with the same answer. The hardest times we will experience on this earth will be times when our minds cannot fathom what our eyes are seeing. Times when simple expectations like a healthy birth are replaced with a crumbling foundation of emotions and questions.
I must be honest when I tell you what happened when I got back to my car and was able to finally sob uncontrollably. I wanted silence…I wanted the release of heartbreak…I wanted to be mad. But I learned a long time ago that anger at anything eventually becomes anger at everything…including God. The silence in the car that day was broken with my own voice demanding that God remind me of why He is so good. I needed the reassurance that I hadn’t placed my life in the hands of a cruel God. I needed Him to show me that He is not reckless with my love and devotion towards Him. The more I recited the attributes of His character the more I remembered why I can trust Him…love Him…believe Him. Because Jesus said so. We are to walk like Jesus who has experienced every bit of pain on earth that we have experienced…and more. He overcame everything in victory and resurrection by remembering His Father's goodness. Jesus warned us that this world would be full of trouble and heartache. He warned us that there will be times when denying ourselves means to accept the troubles and heartaches without reason or understanding. That day I had to deny myself and follow the breadcrumbs of Jesus that led me back to God and His love.
‘We’re taken by surprise when we choose to follow Jesus and bad things still happen…Why, Jesus? We ask. When we are whispering such prayers, it can be tempting to attach our expectations of life to the authenticity of God’s love. When good things happen, we assume that we hold God’s favor, and when bad things happen, we fear we have lost it. But the Bible rejects this lie…it reveals that He created us, He loves and values us, and He sustains us. Luke 9 teaches us that every moment wasted on unmet expectations is a moment devoid of real living…The only way to fully live is to release your expectations for life and instead wait expectantly for Jesus to satisfy.’ Determined, Heather Dixon, p. 120.
When heartbreak and suffering invade our lives, we must recite the goodness of God and His faithfulness to make all things right either on earth or in Heaven. It takes courage to deny ourselves of what we think should happen. It takes perseverance to keep taking up the cross daily of what is happening. But the beauty is that when we follow Jesus, we will be equipped to face anything on this earth and that in the end, we win since God triumphs over sin and death. Sometimes we must break our own silence to remind our hearts of the love and victory found in Jesus.
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