A New Box of Crayons

"And he who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.' Also he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'" Rev 21:5

I am embarrassed to say how much I love fantasy football and the NFL season.  For those who have not discovered the maddening journey through a fantasy world of fantasy teams consider yourself lucky.  Over the course of this season I have grieved injuries from men I will never meet, experienced defeats and victories from teams for whom I have never played and considered broken dreams from goals I’ve never had.  I know… pathetic.  But the ultimate rejection was this morning when I pulled up my ESPN app to discover these words… Mama Bear, your season is over.  No discussion...no reminiscing...no further interaction.  I had fostered a season of extreme participation only to feel like I had been left behind…broken up with…forced to move forward and embrace a new season up ahead.

This morning on the front porch looking over the Folly River I couldn’t help but draw some parallels regarding the last day of 2018.  This year’s season is almost over, and I have fostered some fears that never came to be.  I have participated in the victories and defeats of others that were not mine but were connected to my heart by praying for them.  Some of my days were filled with idleness while others were filled with meaning, but every day was lived and documented.  Our experiences and how we responded have colored our 2018 picture, leaving us with just a few more strokes until midnight.  I wonder what dominant color your picture displays …blacks and grays of sadness…reds and blacks of anger…blues and pastels of joy...the golds of deep gratitude?

This morning’s fog and inability to see beyond the dock reminds me that 2019’s season has yet to be colored in.  It is a foggy black and white view because we cannot see what 2019 holds for our lives.  It is so tempting to just allow the colors of 2018 to bleed over into our new season…our new picture.  But what if our colors of 2018 reflected our pain…our disappointments…our bordom?  Why should we allow our 2018 season to have any power over our 2019 season?  I know many families who will be ecstatic to break up with 2018 and move on.  It is certainly important to process each season in which we have participated but it is equally important to give 2019 a chance…a chance to have different colors…a chance to embrace the fog…a chance to paint its own picture.  God holds every detail in His hands when it comes to each of us.  He has a beautiful plan even in pain to make every season purposeful…profitable…powerful.  He makes all things new from the old things and expects us to grow and change with each season. 

So, as we make a final color mark on our 2018 season, may we allow God to fill in the first color of our 2019 season.  It’s going to be an exciting year of a fresh canvas, a new box of crayons and a faithful God!

Walking Out Our Unknowns

This morning as I was reading Lysa TerKeurst’s book It’s Not Supposed to be This Way her focus was living in the tension of our ‘I don’t know’ circumstances. We all have them, and we all gnaw on them. For me I don’t know when or if there will ever be work again for us. I have several ‘unknowns’ that stay secretly tucked in my heart. I’ll bet you do too whether it is not knowing if love will every come around…not knowing if the marriage can be healed…not knowing if the child will ever walk away from their destructive choices…not knowing if the treatment will work. ‘Whatever your situation is, you probably feel like you can’t change it, but you still have to live through the realities of what’s happening right now. Sometimes you just have to walk in your I DON’T KNOW. And that’s where we get weary and the tentacles of fear of the unknown can have strangling effects on us. Fear seems to be a close cousin of disappointment.’ It’s Not Supposed to be This Way, p. 179.

One of my favorite verses serves as my remedy when my mind and stomach begin churning. When I begin worrying about how my circumstances outside my control will play out, Jesus lifts my chin and reminds me, ‘Look for me and my offerings in theses circumstances and you will find every single thing you need…today…in this very moment. Your circumstances have not randomly found you but are perfectly arranged and detailed for you to experience with Me. You must stay close to Me today to see Me in the small offerings. While tomorrow might usher in the same set of circumstances, it will usher in a different set of things you need from me. What you need today might not be needed tomorrow, so lean on Me and trust in Me.’ (Based on Matthew 6:33-34)

If I can’t change my circumstances, I just might lose heart if left to my own emotions. But God has called us to walk in the Spirit, not in our flesh. Jesus said not to be surprised when bad things happen to His good people. (1 Peter 4:12) When I think about His assurance and having all things in all times in Him, I feel hope in my heart arise. I remember that He says ‘all things will be given to me’ when I seek Him first. When spending time with Him I am comforted through His word, and I walk in the confidence of His promise…so can you. And when the walk gets too weary for me and for you, we can have confidence that He will carry us throughout the journey.

‘Because you are precious in my sight, You are honored and I love you…Do not fear, for I am with you.’ Isaiah 43:5

Just as He Was...

“During this time, an angel appeared to shepherds who were watching their flocks in the fields near Bethlehem. The angel told them the good news of the birth of the Savior and Messiah, Jesus Christ. The shepherds immediately went to find baby Jesus, which the angels told them they would find sleeping in the manger.” Compiled and edited by the staff at Bible Study Tools.

Today is Christmas and people all around the world will be celebrating how a little baby destined to be a Savior was delivered into this world. I wanted to take some time this morning to really immerse myself in the story of the fulfillment of one of the most anticipated prophesies in the Bible. I wanted to make baby Jesus a bigger than life story this morning as I read it again. But then it dawned on me that I was missing the point. Just like many seekers back then, I was looking for a King only to find a baby. I was looking for pomp and circumstance only to hear the quiet sounds of animals. I was anticipating the bright lights of fireworks but instead was directed to one lone star. And then I understood the important part of the angel’s message to the shepherds. It was one of anticipated celebration…it was one of longing hope...it was one of urgency. And how did the shepherds respond? They went immediately to find baby Jesus. They didn’t clean themselves up, change their clothes or rest up for the trip. They went right then…to find Jesus…just as they were.

And that is the point of Christmas. The invitation and good news of coming to Jesus just as we are…tired…dirty...lost...searching…hopeful that He can save us from our broken lives. God ushered in hope disguised in flesh and sent Him to us just as He was, so we could later come to Him just as we are. He took on flesh so we could take on Spirit. Jesus was delivered into this world, so we could be delivered into the next world. So, in our urgency to dash here and there today to celebrate His birth, let us remember thousands of years ago the path of the shepherds. They weren’t running to parties or get togethers, rather hurrying to stare into the face of the Word made flesh and gather around a wooden trough that possessed a King who would one day trade it in for a throne.

Merry Christmas and may you follow the star today and find Jesus just as you are as the song, Jesus I Come by Elevation Worship. ‘Thank you, Jesus just as I am, I come…Hallelujah, Oh what amazing love!”

Our Inexhaustible Father

"My help comes from the LORD...He who keeps you will not slumber...The LORD is your keeper...The LORD will protect you; He will keep your soul. The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever." Psalm 121:2-8

When my son Michael was three years old, he began waking up and crying out for me every night. He had just transitioned from a crib to a bed and suddenly had the freedom to leave his room. The first night he did this he made his way to the bottom of our stairs and cried out in such a way it scared me. I rushed downstairs to see him lying on the floor crying. I scooped him up and took him back into the dark room and sat down in the rocking chair comforting him. I loved those moments in the dark with him in the middle of night. Although, I knew things were fine and there was no reason for him to be scared I also understood that his fear was real to him. Night after night this occurred, eventually leaving me frustrated and exhausted. On his next doctor visit I shared his new habit with him and the doctor convinced me that the only way to break him from this habit was to let him lay there and scream. He said it would only take a short while for him to realize that I wasn’t coming but I was still there. The first night was sleepless once I heard him screaming but I stayed upstairs. The next morning, I came down at the crack of dawn to find him asleep on the bottom step. When he awoke, he was the same sweet tenderhearted love that he always was...he had survived his fear and so had I! Sure enough after 3 nights of not going downstairs the habit broke and he stayed in his bed during the night from then on. He just needed his mind to quieten his fear and remind him that I was just upstairs, and things were fine.

I don’t think that we are that much different from my little boy on those dark and fearful nights. We are all those little children who just want comfort from their Father. We face scary circumstances and cry out to God. No matter how many times He scoops us up meeting and comforting us where we are, we continue to resurrect the fear. We need the continual comfort of our Father when the night is dark and long. But sometimes just like the doctor said, we need to work through our fear with our faith as our backdrop. We need to call upon the Holy Spirit to remind us that our Father has everything under control. We need to be confident that God is just 'upstairs' even though we cannot see or feel Him. God fully understands that our fears are real to us although He sees all our outcomes. He knows how the story plays out…how the provision will come…when the season will end. But sometimes He does allow us to ‘lay at the base of the stairs and cry for a while to work through our fear.’ But make no mistake, just as I never was far from Michael, God is always close by. But thankfully, our cries cannot frustrate or exhaust God. He is the inexhaustible ever-faithful unconditional lover of our soul. And eventually our fear will be overcome, and God will bring resolution to everything that concerns us.

Reclaiming the Same Land

"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you." John 14:26

Over the past seven years Bruce and I have been part of a community that is situated on a river. It is a beautiful place with an amazing view in the front but on the side sits a strip of land badly eroded. It is a small area but an important one, as it abuts up to a seawall. Over the years rain has washed the soil away, and nothing seems to grow on the ground. As past storms have crashed over the top of the seawall it has eventually pulled the soil out with it as the flow receded. So, the effort is underway to reclaim the land and build it back up with fresh soil, rock, fabric and rip-rap. The first phase is complete, and it is like there has been a revival of the land. The land looks like it is anxiously anticipating the beauty and stability of its surface to be brought in. But what would happen to all that newly reclaimed land if the next phase was not completed? How long would things stay settled without the border of rock, fabric and rip-rap? The success of the newly reclaimed land is dependent upon the follow-up work accomplished, otherwise you’ve just reclaimed the same land to no avail.

This life provides each of us with the natural flow of seasons that ebb and seasons that flow. There are storms that crash into our lives and as they recede take a little bit of our heart with them. There can be a gradual erosion that depletes us of stability, beauty and joy if we are not attentive to the area. It is so easy to look away from the work that needs to be done in our hearts from our storms. But just like the land, what good is it to reclaim the same spiritual land without moving on to the important phase?

God has given us a beautiful plan for keeping our hearts stable…attentive…prepared…rooted. He has designed a plan for our lives, but it is up to us if we will take the time to do the work. He brings in the Holy Spirit to fill our lives, and to uproot the dead things that erode our hearts. He places borders and boundaries to keep us protected from the harsh storms. He covers us with His fabric of love that filters out the things of the world. And if we are doing the things that He has designed for us, we just might see growth in areas of our lives where there has previously been none. I’m so thankful that God’s plan for you and for me is not to reclaim the same spiritual areas but to conquer new land in Him and experience the beauty of a new landscape in our lives.

Messy Miracles

“What is sown is perishable; it is raised imperishable. It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness; it is raised in power. It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body.” 1 Co 15:42-44

We don’t have to look far to find pleading hearts longing for a miracle. The world is filled with prayers of intervention…the cure of a disease…prayer for a wayward child…love for a lonely heart…healing for a broken marriage...work for the unemployed. This time of year, I am reminded that a few thousand years ago a nation was also pleading for a miracle. They were looking for a king to come and reign among them. They had built their lives believing that God was going to usher in a man who would deliver them from their present circumstances. They had their own idea of what their miracle would look like, but instead of the dignitary entering their city wrapped in his royal robe, a tiny baby entered the world whose mommy wrapped Him tightly in a soft cloth. The miracle for which they were looking would not be realized for 33 years. The miracle they were expecting didn't come with little cries, rather with trumpets. Their miracle grew up right before them, but they were too busy applying their own understanding. They eventually received their prayer, but it was one of the messiest miracles every recorded…the miracle came on the other side of the cross.

I know all about that and I’ll bet you do too – year after year we wait and watch looking for our answered prayers. We pray for a certain outcome that seems to be taking a lifetime. We look around in our battered and bruised situations calling on God to clean up our messy lives. But just like baby Jesus our miracle will also start with infancy with the first breath God breathes onto our circumstances. He tends to our situations, nourishing them and growing them into full grown miracles. Like Jesus sometimes our prayers are fulfilled through the messy pain of life, while others will come through blessings. As messy as my sister’s cancer journey was it was met with the ultimate miracle. Her broken body was sown in weakness, but her beautifully healed body was raised in power. She closed her eyes to the perishable and opened them to the imperishable. She never missed a breath, as earth was her final exhale and Heaven was her eternal inhale.

Most miracles have a messy walk on the way to freedom, but we must keep our belief that when we see a baby, God sees a king…when we see darkness, God sees light…when we see nothing, God sees everything. He is right in the middle of every miracle in the making so let us anchor our hope in Him. Sometimes our miracle just hasn't yet grown up.

Our Stick of Dynamite

“As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned…but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.’” John 9:1-3

To God’s glory and grace, it has been over 14 years since we were walking in one of the darkest times of my adulthood with our daughter. Much time has passed, and great healing has occurred, but all it takes is one statement from an unknowing person to feel like my head is going to explode. Whenever I hear a person who has never suffered with my set of past circumstances begin blaming the parents for the child’s behavior, I just about lose it. In all fairness I know that I have been on the other side of the coin judging another in their set of circumstances, so I must remember that we all live in the imperfect flesh of humanity. I thought about those times when I read this passage today and it still brings me comfort in my insecurity from past times. It is so easy to feel like we hold some responsibility in the poor decisions of those we love. In some ways, we might could have done things a little better, but the greatest part of responsibility lies at the end of the day at the feet of the decision maker.

So, what are we left with when our unresolved past wounds are triggered by the present perspective of others? We are left with a stick of dynamite simmering in our hearts. We are left with a listening mind to old records scratched but still playing those haunting songs. Why is it so easy for things to trigger our emotions instead of triggering our faith? There are sometimes when just as the blind man, we are experiencing something by no fault of our own. We are walking out our suffering because others are walking out their rebellion. In other cases, sin ushered in disease and sickness. Whatever suffering we are experiencing is the result of living in a fallen world. We cannot miss the end of our passage this morning or we will miss the end of our purpose in our pain. Jesus made it abundantly clear to His disciples that there was a powerful work being done in the life of the blind man. He explained confidently that this very man, disappointed no doubt by his lot in life, was getting ready to be the vessel of God’s mighty power. How honored that God chose him personally to display His power and presence in His life. How honored we can be that God is going to show His glory through our pain.

‘

Sometimes hardship happens not because of what you’ve done but because of something God is doing and will eventually make right…This man’s blindness – his own form of hardship and longsuffering – wasn’t because of choices he made…This suffering was placed on him…He was handpicked to display the works of God…God isn’t causing this; He’s allowing it. God isn’t picking on us. He’s handpicked us to be His display…We can trust Him to lead us to it, through it, and past it. What feels horrible this day will be so very honorable that day. Hang on to God’s perspective. Give Jesus the weight of what you are carrying

.’ Lisa TerKeurst, It Wasn’t Supposed to be This Way, pp. 132-134.

Mixed Drinks

“Then they gave Him wine mingled with myrrh to drink, but He did not take it.” Mark 15:23

I know that I have read the account of Jesus making his torturous walk to the cross many times but somehow this statement escaped me. There isn’t one verse in the Bible that doesn’t demand our attention and this one is no different. I discovered that wine mingled with myrrh was something offered as a sedative to lessen His pain. Every action of Jesus serves as an example of how to walk out our story in this fallen world of sin and suffering. He was offered temporary relief, but He knew His sacrifice was to relieve mankind of sin and their separation from God…so ‘He did not take it.’

We all have had seasons of suffering…suffering like never before…suffering that brings images of past or present seasons bearing down on us. One of the seasons for me is the 8 years Bruce and I didn’t know the outcome of our daughter’s life. Eight years weighted down by the burden of fear, despair and disillusionment. Somewhere along the way, the world offered me wine mingled with myrrh but unlike Jesus I did drink it. In an effort to numb my pain I began making purchases with money I didn’t have. I would wake up in the morning with the reality that the nightmare was still there. My mind would immediately turn to some activity that day that would involve my mixed drink of wine and myrrh… spending in secret. It would take my mind off my pain for a few hours or so, but a suffering heart has a perfect memory. Although the burden of my daughter’s choices was placed upon me, I created my own burden of sin within me. Because Jesus obeyed all the way to the cross, thankfully and humbly I received the benefit of forgiveness.

We all have our own temptations of saying yes to the mixed drink of wine and myrrh as we bear the weight of our crosses. The world provides a full menu of offerings to numb the pain in our despair… alcohol…drugs…spending…infidelity…anger ...workaholic escapes. But Jesus knew what we need to know. He fully understood that through His raw pain there would be healing…there would be atonement…there would be freedom. We also need to know that this morning. We need our hearts to believe that what Jesus set in motion through His death and resurrection is our beautiful snapshot of temporal suffering being replaced with eternal joy. There are beginnings and endings to our seasons and through it all we are the beneficiaries of the supernatural power of God. May we meet our burdens head on with the mixed drink of prayer and God's power.

“At the cross, he drank the wine of his Father’s wrath down to its very dregs so that we might enjoy the wine of his Father’s love, join him, and live redeemed forever in the glorious presence of the one who took no shortcuts in saving us.” David Mathis, Executive Editor for desiringGod.com.

Among the Reeds

“The woman became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She saw that he was a special baby and kept him hidden for three months. But when she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile.” Exodus 2:2-3

One of the things that I most love about writing these devotionals are the messages and comments that people share. Yesterday I was blessed by the comments made throughout the day. This morning when I arose there were a few I had not seen. I was reminded by a precious woman about the story of Moses and his birth. It was the basis for her decision to finally entrust her child with God by fully surrendering him. In the spirit of her surrender I will share the humble beginnings of the life of Moses and his mother.

Moses was born in a time when Pharaoh feared the Hebrew slaves would outnumber the Egyptians, so he demanded that every male born was to be killed. One of the Hebrew women became pregnant and for three months was able to keep Moses hidden. But as our verse states it became apparent that he would be discovered so she began a plan of one of the greatest surrenders ever…one of the most powerful ‘Let go and Let God’ stories recorded. Let’s peek between the reeds and watch her for a moment.

“The young mother with tears streaming down her face removes her shawl, and gently lies her baby boy on its soft fabric. She takes the basket in which she carried him and coats it with a binding compound to create a watertight cradle. Thoughts certainly swirled in her mind, ‘It must be safe…it must be able to float…it must save his life.’ As she is waiting for the tar and pitch to dry, she looks over at her sweet child and knows what she must do. With sobs that only a parent can understand, she gently picks up her baby boy and pulls him tightly to her heart, kisses him for what might be the last time and places him in the coated basket. She walks into the water up to her knees and lowers the basket. As his loving eyes meet her tearful eyes, she removes her finger from his tightly made fist and walks away. Never once did she touch that basket once she placed it in the Nile. But thanks to the will and grace of God she was able to reunite with her son. But she doesn’t know that as she walks away surrendering her greatest treasure in hopes that his life might be spared.”

There are so many times when we so desperately want to ‘let go and let God’ in our circumstances. We coat our baskets with prayers and good intentions determined to release our will and control into God’s hands. We lay our burdens down in the basket of surrender and ‘put it among the reeds’ but then we wade into our doubt and pick our baskets back up. We walk in fear…we bend wanting control …and then we gather our basket back up returning to the same shore where we surrendered it.

Whatever is in your basket this morning you can trust that God has coated your circumstances with His power, His provision and His protection. He is in total control of where the basket drifts and on which shore it will be secure. It is not easy to surrender our children…our spouses…our finances…our health. But when we surrender our way for God’s way there is holy exchange of weakness for strength … questions for wisdom…control for acceptance. So while we coat our baskets with prayer for our situations, may we coat them first and foremost with our pleas for God to show us how to leave our baskets among the reeds.

Anticipating Summertime

When my oldest daughter was battling the darkest time in her life the only thing we could do was pray. In her emotional pain, she had chosen the life of drugs and rebellion against everything she had been taught. Bruce and I had our other two children to consider and were fearful how this chaos was affecting them. I remember one day thinking that I could no longer sacrifice the good of the family through the decisions of one member. It was at that point she insisted on leaving and we 'allowed' her to go. I believe I actually heard my heart break that day, and my tears became my constant companion. I begged…I cried…I prayed…I didn’t just visit my Garden of Gethsemane…I took up residence there. I remember sending a letter to my extended family members explaining that I needed space… space from conversation…space from responsibility…space from wearing the daily mask I had to hold up. I was exhausted from ‘playing normal’ and for a while I disconnected from life outside the four walls of our home. I was mostly convinced that my remaining days would be lived on my knees in the soil of the garden. Occasionally hope made its way into the garden, but my emotions would tell me to ignore it…hope will only tease…hope will only break your heart again…hope is for other people, other families, and other circumstances.

Finally, after 6 years relief came but not in the way you would think. Relief didn’t come with a resolution to my problem but came with my confidence in God despite my problem. He walked up to me in the garden, placed His hand on my back and said to follow Him…to trust Him…to count on hope. Two years later those same hands that touched my back in the garden touched my daughter’s life on the streets. He called her to Himself and has never missed a day of showing her how much she is loved by Him and what a beautiful plan He has for her. Her response to His pursuit has been a life of sobriety, testimony and service to those trying to break free from their gardens of addiction.

While we are in our gardens of despair, it seems like we will never exit those gates. Our emotions during our seasons of suffering convince us our lives will always be as they are. Our emotions paint dark colors onto our hopes and dreams of our winter ending and the return of summertime. Our emotions taunt us for hoping, and shame us for believing in something better. But we were never meant to live in the garden as Jesus showed us His last day on earth. We were meant to be strengthened in our gardens…to find hope in our gardens…to meet with God in our gardens...and to follow God out of our gardens into both His will and His care.

I’m sure you have had seasons of wintertime when you thought things would never thaw… hearts would always be iced over and frigid. But don’t give up on summertime, because just as God made the seasons, He will make your season change. Continue to look for hope in Him no matter how dark or cold it seems. There is still beauty in the wintertime if we set our hearts on Jesus, fully trusting that we are not residents of the garden but visitors. (Photo credit to Emily Fitchpatrick)

“Blessed be the name of God forever and ever, for wisdom and power belong to Him. He changes the times and seasons. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals the deep and hidden things; He knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with Him" Daniel 2:20-22

While We're Not Looking

"If you then, imperfect as you are, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" Matthew 7:11 (Weymouth New Testament)

When I look back on my life as a little girl, I can now see it through the eyes of reality. I never knew how much was being done on my behalf behind the scenes. I didn’t realize how much my grandparents were lifting the four of us in prayer, and faithfully asking God for things on our behalf. When I left for school in the morning, I never knew the millions of things my parents did for us while I wasn’t there. As I was writing my name at school, they were writing checks to the insurance company to ensure my medical needs were cared for, and to the power company to guarantee my warmth and comfort. I never really considered that the snack I grabbed after school was available because my mother had gone to the store while we were gone. I’m sure they can’t count the discussions they had on our behalf behind closed doors. My needs were always met even though I never actually saw my parents go through the details of providing many of them.

There have certainly been times when I felt like God was silent and even absent from my circumstances. I couldn’t see any evidence that He was working in my pain and suffering. During the season, I was like a watchman in a tower just waiting for the slightest sign on the horizon of His presence. I was looking for Someone who was already with me. I’m sure I was pleading with the very One who had already determined the outcome and orchestrated the details. Like my parents when I was a little girl, while I was physically apart from them, they were orchestrating the things needed for us. God is no different… our inability of seeing Him working doesn’t change the fact that He is.

What do we do when we feel like God is distant and absent in our suffering? Lisa TerKeurst writes, ‘I saw myself desperately crying out to God. I saw no evidence that God was doing anything with my cries. I saw painful minutes turn into hours and then into days…But I didn’t see God doing anything about any of this…Doesn’t a relationship mean you show up?’ It’s Not Supposed to be This Way, p. 55-56. When we get disillusioned that God is not moving in the way we think He should we must wrestle with those thoughts. We must take our emotions hostage before they take us hostage. We must speak truth into our hearts that begins with the most basic principle…God is love and God is good. We must lay down our pride that the outcome we want might not be the best outcome for others.

I know looking back that my parents were always there for me in every way. God was and is and will be so much more if we will just let Him be God. God over the health of our loved ones…God over our finances… God over our children and grandchildren…God over our marriages. The biggest reminder we must tell our hearts is that God doesn’t have to show up…He never left.

The Missing Girl

“Once upon a time there was a little girl who everyone loved, and everyone desired to be with her. She was full of life, peace and optimism. No matter what age a person was they wanted to be around her. She could enter a room and no matter what a person was going through she had the ability to take their mind off their suffering and give them some relief.

One day the little girl didn’t come around and at first it wasn’t noticeable. But after a while the people noticed a heavy cloud had moved in, and things seemed more bleak. They noticed that things seemed more chaotic than usual, and that they couldn’t get their mind off their problems. Things kept deteriorating to the point of despair and then it dawned on them…the little girl had quit coming around. They wondered if it was their fault that she was gone? Had something horrible happened to her? Instead of searching for her they just stayed in their sadness wishing she was there but never really searched for her.

The truth was the little girl had not strayed away or left them. Someone had locked her out making it impossible to enter their home. She was the same joyful and peaceful little girl of light, but it wasn’t her choice to be locked out. She waited…and she waited patiently…and she continued to wait close by. Certainly, someone would eventually come looking for her and she could once again join them in their home. It was up to them whether she would be invited back into their lives. Oh, I forgot to tell you her name…her name was Hope.”

Many people we know are wondering why she left them. So much heartache and sadness within the heart of so many people, especially this time of year. But Hope still lives…she still wants to be invited into your heart and into my heart no matter what our circumstances. She is close by, but we must unlock the door to allow her entrance. Hope is still that little spirit that can lift our spirit up when life has knocked us down. Hope still has the gift to show us the little blessings when we are experiencing brutal big things in this temporal world. Hope is transformational no matter the suffering because she is the fruit of God’s spirit which is inexhaustible and supernatural.

We must all realize that when we search for Hope we will find more than Hope…we will find God.

The Christmas Lights Within

“For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Sa 16:7b

The other evening, I was on the phone with my oldest daughter as she was discussing the many things that she needed to accomplish before Christmas. She lives in a very ‘picture perfect’ neighborhood and with each passing day Christmas decorations are appearing on one house and then another. Each day as she drives through the neighborhood, she becomes more aware of how bare her home is in comparison. As she was telling me the dread of pulling everything out, and the exhausting thoughts of decorating she reminded herself that her kids would be blessed and joyful for the season after she decorated. But I’m sure like with every one of us, the tension begins building with our realization of comparison. The perfect home front…the perfect decorations…the perfect selfie…the perfect life…all the while forgetting that ‘the emperor is really walking around naked.’

No matter how many Christmas lights we put on the outside of our home, or how many filters we use on our selfies we live in a world full of naked emperors…those attempts of pursuing perfection and chasing something that we’ll never catch. When pretense crashes into reality, those disappointments can be devastating and staggering, suddenly exposing the imperfections in our lives…in our parenting…in our marriages…in our spirituality. These disappointments leave us feeling naked in our emotions as we face our public just like the emperor. We realize that we have bought into the lie of the crafty snake.  ‘Satan’s favorite entry point of all is through our disappointments. The enemy comes in as a whisper, lingers like a gentle breeze, and builds like a storm you don’t even see coming. But eventually his insatiable appetite to destroy will unleash the tornado of destruction he planned all along. He doesn’t whisper to our disappointed places to coddle us. He wants to crush us.’ It’s Not Supposed to be this Way, Lysa TerKeurst, p. 32.

But then we open the perfect words breathed by our perfect God we are reminded that God doesn’t see us the same way we see each other. When God moves more deeply in our hearts the lights that the enemy has strung will burn out. God doesn’t need a filter to see our beauty…God doesn’t need our outward appearance to be perfect and our status to be elevated. He needs us to string the walls of our heart with the light of Jesus. He needs us to use His word to filter the lies of the world. He needs us to care about the heart of others more than their appearance or status. He desires for every word and action to be strung with the love of Christ.

So, as we decorate for this Christmas season may we allow God to shine more brightly IN us than any decoration UPON us.  

Beautifully in over my Head

When I was a little girl living with my family in Burlington, we belonged to the Burlington Country Club which consisted of a golf course and a swimming pool. Mother and Daddy would load us up and we would go and spend our Saturday there. I remember that I would be swimming one minute only to be running across the golf course barefoot and drenched the next minute to join Daddy. I’m sure there were many golfers who dreaded seeing the uncommitted little golfer springing across the fairway. My favorite part of the day would be when Daddy finished golfing and would join us in the swimming pool to cool off. My three sisters and I would take turns having Daddy carry us into the deep end of the pool. I would make my way towards the deeper end but as soon as my toes felt the pool bottom slant, I wouldn’t go any further. The water would be up to my chin and I knew the rule was to stay on the other side of the rope. But then as my turn rolled around Daddy would walk towards me, pick me up and slowly carry me out to the deep end. Sometimes he would lower me into the water, so my feet could touch the bottom while most times I remained with my head above the water. It didn’t matter to me…the joy was him carrying me to the deep end and showing me a different view with a different perspective, feeling completely safe.

You all know how I love analogies and this image from childhood is one of my most powerful weapons I use against fear. I know that God draws boundaries for my protection just like my dad did in the pool. I know that God spends beautiful time with each of His children. I’m thankful that God carries us throughout every set of circumstances. There are times when He lowers us into scary situations, but He allows us to touch bottom every now and then to get our bearings. Then other times we are carried safely through the calm waters getting a beautiful perspective from His vantage point. But the best part of this image is the trust we can have that He will never let us drown. Even if we are pulled under from the strong currents of our suffering, He will pull us back up and continue to carry us back to the side of the pool. There is a beautiful song written by Bethel Music and Jenn Johnson called ‘In over My Head (Crash over Me) that draws a melodic picture of this trust. Please take a moment and listen to this beautiful assurance that God is in the shallow and deep of our lives.

“- And you crash over me and I’ve lost control but I’m free, I’m going under, I’m in over my head.

- And you crash over me and that’s where you want me to be, I’m going under, I’m in over my head.

- Whether I sink...whether I swim, it makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head.

- Whether I sink...whether I swim, it makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head” In over My Head, Bethel Music – Jenn Johnson.

https://youtu.be/6mAvt3CxEQM

In the Midst of Our Gardens

“And the LORD God commanded…saying, ‘Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of...knowledge you shall not eat…’ ‘Then the serpent said to the woman, ‘…God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God…’ Then the LORD called… ‘Where are you?’” Ge 2:16-17, Ge 3:5, 9

God in His ultimate love created a garden for Adam and Eve for them to experience His best. We are told in Genesis that every tree was fashioned by God’s hands and was both pleasing to the sight and good for food. The only caveat was to not ingest anything from one tree…the tree that would provide knowledge. His motivation wasn’t to restrict, but rather to convince them there was freedom in every other tree. But it didn’t take long for the snake to crawl into their midst with temptation on his mind. Like he does with us in our lives, he convinced Eve that God was holding out on them. He convinced Eve that what was forbidden was really freedom instead of the other way around. As Eve reached for the forbidden fruit, she reached for her own knowledge wanting to be like God...thinking she could play God in her own story.

How many of us have been guilty of reaching for that fruit of control? We think we ‘know’ what to do in any given circumstance. We think we ‘know’ what is best for our loved ones. And then we push our will against the will of God, grabbing our savior cape because we ‘know’ best. God has a perfect plan for each of us in every circumstance and He knows that forbidden tree of knowledge (our will) will frustrate His will if pursued. He provided 100% of Adam and Eve’s needs with every other tree in the garden but gave them caution regarding one. We are all guilty of reaching for the fruit trying to grab control of a situation. When we hit a wall that rubs against God’s will we find ourselves lost in our circumstances with no way out. But God comes along in His great love for us and says, ‘Where are you? Are you trusting in my wisdom or your wants? Are you doubting when I’ve given you promises? Are you carrying a yoke that you are not meant to carry? Are you reaching for the fruit of your knowledge…your way…your plans?’

Control is the hardest thing to give up and surrender to God is greatest relief to us and offering to Him. When we remove our savior cape and allow God to save, we access His peace in chaotic situations, His wisdom in how things should be done and His rest from it all. We find ourselves back in the garden where God reigns and rules for the good of His children.

We must take our eyes off the tree of knowledge in the midst of our gardens...our knowledge... and believe God for His wisdom, timing and plan.

Our Badges of Love

This morning I decided to have my quiet time in front of the Christmas tree. I love the soft lights as they illuminate against the dim room. It seems like a precursor to the soft light of the rising sun as it penetrates the dark horizon. It’s like I have a head start on the morning sitting near the tree as the lights reflect in my eyes. A thought passed through my mind of changing my worship music to Christmas music. I quickly batted the idea down, not understanding why. Then it hit me. I love Christmas music…I love it a great deal…I love it for the same reason I don’t love it. With all its treasured melodies there can be a sad undertone from yesteryear. I decided to push through my hesitation and I put on a Christmas station from Pandora. The first song was Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire. Immediately, tears streamed down my face catching me off guard.

The memories of me and my sister Becki giggling as children, at the way someone we knew sang this song...such simple times. Those chaotic times where four little girls ran wildly around the house Christmas morning. Those childhood years that were marked with joy, excitement and as a family who had not been exposed to the loss of one of its residents. As the music played on this morning, more tears flooded as I closed my eyes and could picture Daddy at the end of my dining room table by the Christmas tree reading the Christmas Story from the Bible. He was so handsome in his red sweater with his glasses perched near the end of his nose. More tears streamed as I saw Beth around the table her last Christmas with her plate loaded down with turkey and dressing. She glanced up at me in the kitchen and shot me the peace sign. In my mind I could even smell the aroma of turkey cooking as we arrived at my parent’s house with our little children in tow. This morning…this music…these memories are worth the tears. They are rewards and treasures of the mind and the heart that are so fiercely protected this time of year. But isn’t this the right time of the year to carefully and thankfully remove them from the shelves of our hearts, blow off the painful dust and pay honor to the precious people and cherished moments of our past? As we visit the story of baby Jesus shouldn’t we visit the beautiful stories of our lives? 

I know how hard it to visit these memories, especially this time of year but I’m thankful that God comforts our hurting hearts. I’m thankful that the road to Heaven is paved with beautiful memories of our life on earth. I’m thankful for Jesus for without Him I would only be left with memories instead of future reunions. I am thankful for my tears for they are badges I wear proudly for loving those who God placed in my life. We grieve much because we’ve loved deeply but this is not our story ending. Our story ends in the arms of Jesus with our family who went before us surrounding us with a celebration that never ends.

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance" Eccl 3:1-4.

Securing Our Chair

“We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.  Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death.  But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.” 2 Co 1:8-9

When I was a little girl there was a game that would be played at birthday parties and sometimes in gym called Musical Chairs.  It wasn’t my favorite game because there was no guarantee of a chair to sit in.  The vulnerability of being left standing while others were comfortably sitting seemed anything but fun.  In addition to that vulnerability I can’t tell you the times when I thought I had secured my seat only to be shoved out of it.  Sometimes life provides that same endless circle of trying to grab a seat of normalcy.  We look for a seat to sit in but the chairs are all full.  Everyone else’s life seems to be predictably comfortable and there we are standing with overwhelming circumstances, vulnerable and feeling all alone. 

Over the past couple of days, it has become painstakingly obvious that people have been given way too much to handle.  I have received so many messages from precious friends who are barely keeping their heads above water.  I found myself crying in the shower yesterday overwhelmed with horrible circumstances that great people are having to face.  Sometimes it seems that life can be stingy with the chairs and circumstances shove us out of the comfort of the chair we think we’ve secured.  People love to say that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle but that is not Biblical.  In reality, the Bible is filled with examples and heartbreaks of people who received much more than a heart should.  Just ask Jesus as He begged for a different ending until his sweat dripped as blood.  Just ask Mary as she watched the horrific torture of her son.  Just ask Peter as he was murdered upside down on a cross for sharing the message of Christ.  All of this was more than they could handle but the one thing they had is the same thing we have…a sovereign God who is working out every detail of every hardship we face...a loving Father who knows exactly how to comfort His children...a mighty Commander who goes before us fighting our battles.

For the mother whose child is a prodigal…you are not alone.  For the person who must sit in the chemo chair…God is sitting in the chair beside you.  For the grieving heart who must face Christmas without their loved one…God will personally carry you through this season.  For you…and for me…God will be our strength when we are depleted of our strength.  There is not one detail of our suffering that God doesn’t know about and even if we can’t trace His hand, we can trust His heart.  He is our empty chair waiting for us to settle into His rest.

Life in the Desert

“For I neither received it from man, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation of Jesus Christ. For you have heard of my former manner of life…how I used to persecute the church of God beyond measure and tried to destroy it; But when God…was pleased to reveal His Son in me...I went away to Arabia” Gal 1:12-16

This morning as I was reading about Paul, I couldn’t help but to notice the Bible’s silence on his time spent in the wilderness of Arabia immediately after he was baptized. He made a point to call out his former life and how he tried to destroy the message instead of spreading it. I love how Paul granted God all the glory for his conversion when he wrote that God was pleased to reveal Christ to him. And then he stated that he left for Arabia. While we know that he grew in understanding of Scripture during time in Arabia, we read nothing that gives a voice to his emotional experience.

For some reason his last sentence haunts me this morning. He lived in a manner contradictory to God’s will by tearing down the message of Christ. He went ‘beyond measure’ to torture and persecute God’s people. So, my heart is heavy for the silence of Paul’s wilderness experience because I know how heavy my heart was when God revealed Himself more deeply to me in 2006. I knew that He forgave me for my former way of life and was pleased to develop me in Christ. But it still was hard with the new understanding of the message as it rubbed up against past decisions I had made.

When we measure our past actions against our present callings there is a great spirit of remorse with which we must wrestle. I imagine that many tears fell from Paul’s eyes over the things that he did prior to Christ indwelling in him. I can hear the echo of his pleas for God to extend forgiveness to him, giving the opportunity to share his new Christ centered life. There was a before and after line drawn in the wilderness sand for him and he would never again be recognized as his former self.

We all enter the wilderness where God Himself opens up our understanding to who we are to be in Christ. It can be heartbreaking work but essential to have that spiritual marker of before and after. We should each be growing in faith, and not doing the same compromising things we used to such as lying, judging, and condemning others. We cannot despise the desert for the desert is where we gain the true message directly from God, not from man. Our deserts seem to always last much too long, but God works His best miracles in the heat. ‘Sometimes God takes His time grooming the very difficult ministry of apostleship. It’s a selfless ministry strewn with hardship, persecution, and loneliness – always having to rely on God for leading and guidance. The desert is a pretty wanton place and no better place to learn survival and develop an intimate relationship with Jesus.’ John Christopher 

Pike, www.readingacts.com. 

God is pleased to reveal everything to each of us, but will we take the time and effort to receive it? 

Ghosts of Christmas Past

I have always loved the story A Christmas Carol brilliantly written by Charles Dickens. It is the story of a man who was visited by the ghost of Christmas past, present and future. I sit here this morning continuing to ponder life in past Decembers. Just as Scrooge in the story was time traveled to a few decades before, my mind also travels back a few decades ago. Shopping for Christmas was a paralleled set of train tracks…one where I was a confident mommy choosing gifts to be opened by my two young children…but the other set of tracks being a terrified mommy that my daughter would not survive drugs to enjoy the gift’s I had bought for her. There is nothing joyful about choosing presents for someone who is lost to their life and has chosen to be absent from their family. No gift made sense since nothing she was doing made sense. The smallest things represented the most fearful things. When a string of lights burned out, I fell apart as it represented my fear that she wouldn’t survive the drugs. When my other two little children would shake their gifts in joy and anticipation, little did they know my foundation was being shaken apart. But finally, out of sheer survival of despair I gave myself the greatest gift I ever could…the gift of surrender to the only One who could redeem her life.

I read something this morning in Lysa TerKeurst’s book, ‘It’s Not Supposed to be This Way’ that really hit home during my visit from the ghost of Christmas past. She writes, ‘Sometimes, you just have to let people you love have their journey on one side of the street and have your journey on the other side of the street…We make brief visits to normalcy, but there’s a lot of emotional debris to which we must tend.’ p 90. So that is what we did…we had brief visits to normalcy and allowed her to journey on her own side. But with that came God’s promise that not only was He present with us, but He was present with her on the other side of her street. He was doing an amazing work in her heart even though we couldn’t see it. But we trusted Him, and we trusted the process even when we didn’t see any evidence of redemption. But boy did it come, and it came in with a divine vengeance! God didn’t just save her… He saved all of us through her delivery. She is a walking miracle and a talking testimony to the saving power of Jesus no matter what the circumstances are. When we see death, he sees life. When we see our brokenness He sees our wholeness. When we fear darkness, darkness fears Him.

I can tell you what the ghost of Christmas present looks like as we approach this season in 2018. It is not just a picture of Kristen’s years of clean living, but a picture of her meeting other addicts to encourage and sponsor them. It is a reality of her three adoring children and husband huddling around the tree tearing open the Christmas gifts. It is a fulfilled promise from God that tears do dry…hearts do heal…families are reconciled. Whatever your ghost of Christmas present is whispering in your fearful heart, don’t forget there is always a ghost of Christmas future with beautiful days up ahead. Trust God’s process… trust God’s perfect plan... and look for God’s presence everyday.

“Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, ‘Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.’” Isaiah 35:3-4.