Costly Fruit

“Do not be afraid…for the open pastures have turned green, the trees bear their fruit, and the fig tree and vine yield to their fullest.” Joel 2:22

My grandmother always began praying for a year verse from the Bible near the end of the previous year, and during the year supporting verses were given to her through the Spirit. Years ago, I also began praying for a verse to plant as a foundation for that year. The verse above is one of the verses from a passage of Scripture the Lord brought to me for this year. I was excited with the prospect of open pastures…picking fruit…full yield…perhaps work in ’19?

As the year has unfolded with it’s first fruit of 4 days it seems the yield is grief support. I have had more discussions with people who either are facing the death of their loved one or grieving the loss of one. Three families I know are facing what looks to be a new home for their loved ones where bodies are made whole again, and a special place in Heaven has been prepared for them. One being my 17-year-old granddaughter as she considers their close family friend connected to life support. As she listened to my conversation with my daughter tears escaped her eyes and she quickly wiped them away and turned her head. She lost her dad almost 5 years ago and this man was her dad’s best friend. I encouraged her to never be ashamed for her grief, for grief is love turned inside out. It is the raw outward expression of an inner love that has no place to land.

Following up on that discussion was my niece’s visit last night which I treasured. She is 18 and is trying to make sense of the world. Her view is through the eyes of loss, pain and delayed grief. We talked for hours and in the dimly lit room I could still see her red face, her tearful eyes and searching heart. She too seemed to fight the tears but that dark little space where two hearts intersected the same loss became a small place of healing. She shared that all she wanted now was peace, love and light instead of the past hurt and anger. I read once that unprocessed grief can manifest over time in anger. I believe she is now at a place of exhaustive grief…grief that is giving up on its original plan…grief that is ready to march on in battle…grief that is searching for peace and acceptance…grief that is moving over allowing life to share a place in her heart. I’m so proud of my niece who is not willing to be defined by what she has experienced, rather reaching for something higher than her loss. We talked about Beth a lot and shared tears and laughter…joy and pain…hopes and dreams.

As we sat there and talked, I was transported back 40 years to when Beth was 18 and the similarities are staggering and breathtaking…and yes, heartbreaking. But the open pastures must mean opening painful loss for the benefit of another. If this is the fruit that my year is offering, I must admit it is costly fruit, but green, nevertheless. God has given us everything we need to yield the fruit of comfort to others, and our experience and testimonies are the branches from which they grow. I’m so thankful that the sap running through is the flow of the Holy Spirit which replaces whatever we give away in the name of love.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” 2 Co 1:3-5