In The Whisper...

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper." 1 Kings 19:11b-12.

In experiencing drug addition with my daughter it encompassed so much more. Along with the drug addiction came other areas of chaos brought on by her choices. There were powerful elements of darkness throughout eight years that tore through our lives, shattered our dreams and destroyed our peace. I searched for God in all of this but my search was for a reason and an escape, not a relationship with trust. For four years I had been dreading her graduation day since I knew she would be absent. She had dropped out of school in 9th grade and hit the road drifting from one drug fix to another. My dreams of proms, graduation and sorieties had been lost forever in the raging sea of drugs.

One the day of her graduation I remember going on my back deck to experience head on the death of this dream. There would be no invitations to send out, no graduation parties to attend, and no photographs to find a home in our albums. My dream was about to dissipate like a vapor in the air. There is nothing more difficult than the realization that the hopes and dreams you have for the future of your child will go unrealized, unattained and unclaimed. All you can do is surrender your dreams, trust His way, and watch His unfolding of their life His style. I never thought I could survive that day but God's grace was so much more than the grief experienced.

As I sat on my deck alone waiting for the "coffin to be lowered into the ground", bracing myself for the burial of that particular dream, I noticed that all had gotten quiet. I had this intense peace envelope around me and experienced a calm I had never experienced before. It was like Mary peering into the tomb expecting to find death but death was not found. God was whispering to me a new freedom, a new life with a new way of thinking. With graduation, everyone would go about their unique and seperate ways. There would be no more "cookie cutter comparisons" of kids within this small community. My life would finally be private again as well as my daughter's as everyone would disappear into their own future paths. I both looked for and expected death in that situation but found life and freedom in the gentle whisper after all of the chaos in my heart and mind. That day was a turning point for me and my faith. I knew from there that there would only be freedom in my life apart from her's as I began living in the Spirit where freedom lives and soars!

Listen to the Spirit's whisper - it is much louder than your earthquake, wind or fires.

"Now the LORD is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the LORD is, there is freedom."
2 Cor. 3:17