On Bent Knees

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want…He leads me beside still waters…‘Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give…’” Luke 12:32

I can’t seem to get Sunday off my mind when we paddle boarded. I have finally realized why my own experience left me with an emotional hangover in addition to my granddaughter’s experience. It finally occurred to me this morning when I examined my own experience upon that board. The first time I got up was a very uneventful glide. The water was cool and calm, and I didn’t feel any fear or vulnerability. Knowing everyone wanted a turn I glided my board with my paddle and safely returned to the dock. Once the experience described in yesterday’s blog played out and all were safe, I jumped back on the board and took a longer ride. I was really enjoying the calm of the water, the beauty of the day and the peacefulness and joy of accomplishment. I was heading back to the dock, when suddenly an undercurrent began moving me away and towards the open waters. I got a little spooked and fell off the board. With my life jacket on it was difficult to pull my body back onto the board but finally was able to return. I could feel the undercurrent fighting every stroke, so I got on my stomach and began using my arms to guide my board back. After little gain, my daughter Kristen swam out there and guided my board to the left as I stood back up and paddled back to the dock. She was able to understand that my breathing had suddenly changed and had become a little more labored. The first verse of the Lord’s Prayer came to mind this morning…He was my Shepherd…through Kristen He provided what I wanted – safety. He led me back into still waters at the dock.

This morning as I began examining my experience it reminded me of grief. After my dad died there were many days when the waters of grief tossed and churned. Many years later my waters of grief are generally calm. But, when we suddenly are caught off guard by the undercurrents of sadness and pain we can get off balance and lose our footing. We wonder why we must continue to experience grief so many years later...why now? I know what it is like to give in to grief… to give in to that undercurrent that wishes to take us under. With God’s help we can climb back on the board and glide above the currents that can take us off course. Psalm 23 reminds us that whatever we want God has already given us. Psalm 23 reminds us that if we allow Him to guide us through our sad times we will end up in the calmness of our soul. Luke 12:32 chimes in echoing that we are His flock and He takes good pleasure in giving us what our hearts so desire according to His great will. We all have experienced grief of some kind whether it’s the death of a loved one, a career, a relationship or a marriage. During these times we come to Him on bent knees, and He hears our pleas. Our Good Shepherd fully understands our hearts and our pain. He knows how to give us what will satisfy our hearts and heal our wounds. He will help us get back on the board and guide us back to still waters. We are His good pleasure and we can trust Him for whatever we lack.